Summary
When a woman likes a guy who is younger than her son then my advice to her was that a woman can find love with a man who might be like her son in age but be much more mature emotionally. Below is the case of yet another older woman who is having a secret romance with a guy who loves her to death and they both make each other very happy.
My secret boyfriend is basically a boy
Yolanda writes, “About 11 months ago a very young man started approaching me through Facebook; I never responded to him because he looked way too young for me and I did not know him. He is 20 and I am 51. But one day when I was just feeling a bit flirtatious, I accepted his friendship request and wrote back saying Hi. It all stared there. He asked if I was married, and I said no, and then invited me for a drink. That’s when I said, No, you are a baby! He was offended. I told him that I have 3 kids, the oldest being 27, and the youngest 17. What do you think of that? And he said, “Well I think you are beautiful.” We basically flirted like this for 7 months, he would tell me everything that was going on his life and even asking for advice. And I would do the same. We became very close and started to have feelings and we started to tell each other I Love you, and how much we meant to each other. But I kept telling him how bad I felt because of the huge age difference and he would say, “Why do you worry so much about your age, I do not care how old you are, I am going to always love you and take care of you; have I not been here for you everyday?” Well, we finally met and it was explosive; he was all over me. We have been together 4 months after we met in person. I sometimes get so depressed because he is so young, and I know I have to let him go sooner or later, but even he does not want that!! I cannot help wonder what goes on in that head of his. I have told him that I do not understand why he is with me, if he could be with a pretty and young girl, He said, “I have never cared for looks, nobody has ever treated me the way you do, I feel so loved and good around you. Why should I look for anybody else, if I have everything I want in you.” What do you think? I have never told anybody about my relationship with this very young man. We have kept our relationship a secret; my daughter knows we are friends, that’s all. And he talks to his mother about me, but of course not my age!!! He seems so happy and very appreciative of me!!! He always thanks me for being with him. I do not know what to do? Any ideas?”
Not all men like girls their age
As you know well, men come in all shapes and sizes and they also like women of all types. First of all I want you to think about some security issues. Could he be a con artist who may commit a crime by first making you like him as a person or even fall in love with you? Are you very rich? Is he poor? Does he ask or expect money from you? Has he taken any photos of you while you are together? So try to analyze his behavior because you want to make sure that he is not a criminal or has other nasty plans to hurt you or extort money from you.
If not, then, he is just a nice guy who happens to like a wonderful woman like you. As he said, not all men think about the age gap. Actually, some men prefer much older women because these men find it troubling to handle women of their own age who are more demanding and constantly put pressure on them for marriage or gifts or partying. These men instead prefer a mature, stable, confident woman so that the couple can focus on the love and not worry about the problems that a 18 year old girl brings.
Do not fight love; it is unnatural
Ask him what he wants from this relationship. If you are both enjoying the relationship, then, enjoy it as long as it lasts. Love is a special feeling and you should respect his feelings for you and you should also give it back to him. If this brings so much happiness to you both, do not end it and make every moment special with him.
patty // Sep 21, 2010 at 9:15 pm
I am a 41 year old woman in love with a 21 year old guy. I love him very much and he says he does as well. We have been dating for almost 3 months and we are very happy together. I have 3 children from my marriage. My 3 boys are 21, 16 and 11 years old. My 21 year old cannot accept this relationship, my other 2 boys are ok with it. My mom says this relationship will not last, he is just excited about dating a woman older than him, but sooner or later he will dump me for a younger girl. I dont want to think this is true. I truly feel so much love him. He is still in college and I work. He says that age is just a number but I know 20 years is a huge difference. I feel what my mom says is true.
Jay Dwivedi // Sep 22, 2010 at 6:07 pm
Patty, my response to your Mom is that any man can leave you, regardless of age, and most likely for a younger woman. Didn’t your previous husband leave you? The point to remember is that there is no data whatsoever that proves that younger men are more likely to leave a woman than a man of her age or older. Yes, a younger man be fascinated by the idea of dating a mature woman but aren’t we all fascinated by something.
My advice to you would be to not hold his age against him and give him a chance. I have heard from 100s of couples with huge age gaps like yours and neither your nor your mother’s fears have come true.
la maricuchi // Oct 16, 2010 at 1:49 pm
am 51 years old and a doble my man age i love him i will keep him for the rest of my life. He love me for real and i dont care about the e=age diferent
Simplyfine4 // Nov 2, 2010 at 6:07 am
I’m 47 my friend is 28 we’ve been seen each other for 2 yrs. We r great have lots in common, sex keeps getting better everyday. Problem is his parents dnt accept me for my age and this makes him very uncomfortable. We love each otter are faithful to each other. But ive gotten 2 d point that if that problem dnt change I am leaving. but am I doin d right thing?
bufajie // Dec 29, 2010 at 4:02 pm
I am 46; my lover is 30…we’ve been together for 2 years now, and this is the most loving and satisfying (both emotionally and physically) relationship I’ve ever had. There are problems that arise from both the age difference and the fact that I am a white American and he is a Taiwanese celebrity, which means we only go out publicly when we’re in the States, where he is unlikely to be recognized. But the fact that we have to be secretive when we’re in Asia, particularly at home in Taiwan, actually adds a little spice and creativity to our relationship and kind of keeps it fresh! Enjoy your young man; if you truly love one another, you can make it work.
Judy // Mar 25, 2011 at 2:57 pm
Im 41 and dating a younger man whose 24. I was married when I met him but recently seperated. My spouse and I was always day and night. But this guy came into my life and gave it the direction I wanted at home. He say he love me and spend alot of time with me,but it still don’t define love. He now has gotten into another relationship with a woman whose 33 that he has developed feeling for that he feel the need to spend time with the both of us which I get alot of his time. I can’t except that at all but my love for him want let me walk away. So to other if love is in your heart for whomever give it a try. Age is just a number that passes every year.
Anonymous // Jun 1, 2011 at 8:08 pm
I met my wife at the age of twenty, & she was thirty eight. I’m now 32 & she’s 51. Like anyone we have our ups & downs, but we love each other with all our heart. I’m experienced in this feild and if anyone need any advice just email me at [email protected]… Thanks