MYNIPPON

Summary

Below is the case of a woman who continues to be in a relationship with a man who has totally refused to plan a future for their relationship.  While it is fine to play with someone that you like even when you know that it is not serious, I warn you that if you eventually want to find a serious relationship, this time could be more gainfully employed dating rather than getting stuck with a noncommital man.

Julia writes, “I am a 49 year old woman and in love with a 33 year old guy.  We met 3 years ago after I left my husband but I knew it was not just a rebound love.  We broke off a few times this year but always went back to each other due to attraction and having feelings for each other.  To be honest I had a drinking problem and he could not handle that but I do not any more.  I realized what is important in life, therefore, he was always worried when he went away to visit family even though I wouldn’t do anything wrong but he didn’t believe me half the time, so he left me over that quite a few times.  We broke it off a month ago again and I agreed that it was mutual as I was a secret to his family the whole time we were together.  He said it would cause a commotion in his family.  At first it did not bother me but it did over time because I could never attend family events with him so.  In the beginning he told he didn’t care about our age difference and we should be happy together.  I just never thought that after being together for 3 years he still could not tell them about me, that they would not approve.  Apparently he is expecting a lot of money in inheritance from his parents and he does not want to jeopardize it.  I feel I am not good enough although I know who I am and what I have to offer which is only positive.  I am a well grounded woman, emotionally balanced with no alcohol problem at all right now so what I am trying to say is why is it so hard for him to fess up if he loves me. I suppose I just have to accept I am not the one for him and move on but it’s hard for both of us.  After a month of not seeing each other we hooked up this past weekend and totally enjoyed ourselves with conversation, cooking and just doing movies and laundry together, and of course, making love.  He told me he saw a 22 year old girl during our breakup a couple of times and he told me he knew it would not work but it hurt me big time as I hadn’t been with another man at all since we broke off.   All my friends tell me I’m crazy and to find a man my own age or at least more compatible but how can I when I can’t get him out of my head?  I don’t think he will change and I feel like he is laughing at me now.  He got lucky with a younger girl and me in the span of 2 weeks.  He had accused me of looking for a man right away after our break up because I joined a dating site but I never met anyone at all.  And he goes to bed with a 22 year old.  How can I accept that?  I wasn’t mad but hurt inside; I just didn’t show it.  I guess I don’t want to end it with him and take what fun we can have while it lasts but all I ever wanted was to have a long term relationship with him, live together and just be happy for many years.  I think I will have to give up on him and move on with the help of friends and family.”

As you have probably noticed from my writings, I have documented case of 100s of women dating much younger men and finding happiness.  The problem in your case is that this man is merely using you for whatever he gets out of you (a man who does not have the guts to introduce his girlfriend is a sissy).  In other words, this relationship is not going anywhere because if it hasn’t in 3 years, I cannot imagine what can change now.

If you are serious about relationship, treat it like a job

Now I notice that you now realize the facts and are ready for it to end any time.  I also support your decision to have fun and use him for your pleasure as long as it lasts.  I think that is the right approach in the short term, but I also hope that you recognize the fact that you are 49 years old and not getting any younger.  Any time that you do not spend on finding a man with whom you can have a relationship that will last, hopefully, forever, is valuable time wasted.  So being even in a sex-only, casual relationship maybe making it harder for you to even consider dating other men (that is why your online dating efforts have not gone too far).

It is fine to entertain yourself briefly with him, but I really agree with your friends that you need to get serious about dating other men, and even younger men if that is what you like.