MYNIPPON

Paul writes, “My wife of 13 years feels I have ignored her with physical intimacy for the last 10 years and now she is at a point that she is not interested in me at all. I want to make this relationship work. What should I do? She feels that there is nothing I can do to make her change her mind but I know, if she is talking to me, she wants to make this work. I need help. I was too involved with my career that I overlooked to spend time with her, just for her alone, though I have been a good father and provider. She feels that I have no physical desire for her that made her jump to this conclusion.”

All marriages can be saved through hard work

As you are realizing 10 years is a very long time and if an opinion is reinforced over that period of time, it will take a while to erase it.  But as you have seen a sign of hope of saving this marriage, I do too.  Here are a few things you can do to get started:

1. Start communicating with her.  Tell her exactly how you feel and how you want to make it work.  And if you are not able to say everything orally, it is fine to write it down and hand it over to her.  It is clear that you have not communicated well either during this time.
2. Match your words with action.  Make time for her and then make it happen.  If you think going away one weekend a month to someplace else is good, do it religiously.  It also helps to find time to go out for a meal once a week, and then plan some events during the weekend.  They can be as simple as going on a hike or a movie or shopping with her, but they can make a big difference to a marriage.
3. Get active in the bedroom.  Plan on spending at least one hour in bed before sleeping.  It could be time spent just chatting, cuddling, and making love.