Summary: It can take years, or even a lifetime, for a couple to develop perfect chemistry in bed and to be able to please each other. The main reason why it does not happen because either we are too shy to talk about our needs or the other partner is too selfish to worry about the other’s needs. Read below what a woman can do make sure her boy friend appreciates what she wants in bed.
Phyllis writes, “I am dating a man old enough be my grandpa and while our relationship is just about an year old, we are facing a lot of issues in the bedroom. He is an awesome guy. I’ve never been treated better by anybody in my life. He is not rich so I am not after him for money; I just like him. He has been unable to give me an orgasm and when I told him that he said, “Well I’m trying, but I guess I’m still trying to figure out what really works for you.” Then he said he was sorry that he sometimes gets off just as I’m getting really into it. Then I said, “Well sometimes when we’re done if you even touch me or kiss my neck it makes me tense and moan, so why can’t I get further with that feeling and get off.” He told me that is where he ‘failed’, because he should get me to that point before he allows himself to go. He told me that he would just have to work on this with me because it was his fault and what not. He even suggested getting a book to help us work this out. But then he told me that he thinks I won’t allow myself because sometimes I make him stop things. We elaborated on this and I requested examples, where I was able to respond that some of those things I just don’t like, and they give me no pleasure. So, I feel like perhaps this was all sincere and the both of us don’t seem to know how to work with each other yet in bed. Does this sound legitimate? Does it seem to you like this is just a common problem and not to do with his ego? Thank you for helping me.”
It takes time to develop chemistry in bedroom
I think this conversation was very helpful to both of you (and thanks for sharing it with me). Like any couple, you are still going through that phase of knowing each other in bed. Trust me, it is complicated. It is even more complicated because of this huge age difference that you two have. I have no age difference with my wife of 15 years and there are still things in the bedroom that are not clear to either one of us and we are often either frustrated or surprised and that is when we otherwise have a perfect marriage. The key to dealing with this is to talk, talk, and talk.
Ask his and tell your needs
I think if there is a useful book that you both can read, it will be good, and so will be honest conversations with each other. Tell him that you want to work with him so each one of you will have a better appreciation of each other’s sexual needs. Reassure him that you are willing to be learn, be patient, and adventurous, but you also expect the same from him. I am a bit saddened that you have never had an orgasm and it will be nice if he realizes that and tries his best to make it happen.
I now conclude that he seems to be genuine about these things but obviously, a man who has a younger girlfriend like you is bound to be very proud of himself, and that might show off in some of his comments and behavior but it seems that he may not really be exhibiting these. So enjoy the relationship if he treats you so well.