MYNIPPON

Mark writes, “I have a female friend and we have become fairly close to each other since I spoke to her on the telephone for something different.  We haven’t met yet in person, but I have come to know her true personality. We shared stories about our lives, our past experiences, we give each others advice and we understand each other. After a couple of weeks, we have mutual feelings for each other. Even though she has a boyfriend, we have fallen for each other.  At this time my feelings for her are very strong but she only loves me as a friend because she is not single. But their relationship is somewhat complicated. That guy only loves my friend because of her beauty, but not for her whole personality. That guy is also very jealous of any man who is a close friend of this woman. Let me just say that this guy is very controlling and dominant and wouldn’t let even meet her girl friends for coffee.  Obviously, she cannot meet me either.  She and I have no chance to communicate because her boyfriend would confiscate her phone and check who she has been calling and receiving calls from and then threaten people who call her.  I don’t think that this woman is happy with this man and I am confident that once she gets rid of him, she will love to be my girlfriend.  I am wondering how am I supposed to do to save my friend from the hands of that bad guy? I love this girl very much and I hate to see her in the clutches of this monster.  I would greatly appreciate your guidance and help to solve my problem.”

A woman has to end a relationship that is toxic to her

I can understand how you two have fallen for each other, but what I don’t understand is that if she loves you instead of him, why is she with him.  Why can’t she breakup with him?  I can understand why he is jealous and dominates her but I am sure that any man would be very jealous.  Based on what you say, he is not the perfect man for her and maybe abusing her, but can’t she simply tell him to get lost.  Tell her to get the courage to breakup with him so that you two can start a relationship.  Right now the ball is in her court and she is the one who needs to make the decision to free herself from him and use the help of courts and police if needed.  Once that happens, you two can start a new relationship, though, I must warn you that she may need a lot of patience from you, even professional therapy, because this toxic relationship may have done her tremendous psychological harm.