MYNIPPON

Summary:  Below is the case of a married woman who is successful at work and at home but is still miserable inside her soul.  I help her analyzing potential problems in her life that could be causing her unhappiness and what she can do to become happier.

Taylor writes, “I am in a new job.  I am working 70 hour weeks. The bosses are distant and the job been flagged as too busy, and on the red-alert scheme. I am working hard to keep on top, and after 3 months, I think I have gotten the hang of things. Like all big corporations, there are sharks around and I have been victimized on a few occasions but I think I am taking actions to protect myself and do the best I can.  My question to you is why am I increasingly distant and disconnected, some days feeling like I am functioning at a low level.  There is little that I am elated by or little that I feel for. I feel like a living DEAD. I have done this job for 20 years, either I have had enough or I am just not into this corporate rat race. Or, am I simply in an exhausted state of my life?  I cannot remember when I last laughed or who I was before.  I just want to be assured it will return: the joy. I want to be cradled and told that I would be fine, and the world will turn. And all these superficial struggles will end. But truth is, I think many people have these problems and worse even. But no one stronger than me to tell me I will be okay. I am usually the one everyone else looks to. Jay, help me here. Irrational anxiety toppling over reason.”

What causes unhappiness among successful people?

1. The first thing that comes to mind is that you are definitely overworked and exhausted and that is what is causing what I think are signs of mild depression (what I suggest is that it may not be a bad idea to meet a professional).  In addition, you may need to take some time off to recharge because 70 hours a week are hard on anyone, especially when combined with dirty politics and toxic work environment.
2. Secondly, and I am thinking this is connected to the bigger questions that we all face, is that there is emptiness inside you.  It could come from lack of professional satisfaction.  There are so many people who have great jobs but if you asked them what would you do if you had no financial worries and could do anything you wanted, most people do no pick their current jobs.  They often pick jobs like writing, tour guides, chef, volunteer work, and some other jobs that are simple, have no major responsibilities, typically with no promotions and/or raises.
3. Emptiness could also come from lack of that special bond with a partner.  A lot of women who write to me describe a husband who will be any girl’s dream.  He is loving, great dad, provider, successful, and just an awesome man who does everything right, but they are not in love with him.  They are never able to build that tight bond with him because he is simply not that deep a person.  He knows that he needs to be a good dad, husband, and employee and once he does that he does not think too much.  Could it be the case for you?

Obviously, the answers are not easy and the options even fewer.  In the end, I am not a big fan of sacrifices because even though we think we are helping others, in reality we are not helping anyone.  If my wife were to feel this way about me, I would appreciate that she tells me so that we can both find more mutually compatible partners.  It is painful, especially with kids involved, but I am convinced that when we are thinking about ourselves, we are also thinking about others.  So spend some time thinking about your marriage and see if you need to move on.