MYNIPPON

Summary:  Below is the case of a married woman who has an admirer and she likes him a lot too.  They both understand each other extremely well but have never spoken about their feelings for each other.  They enjoy each others company but do not want to make things any more complicated than that.

Darcy writes, “I am in a great marriage but I have a man in my office who I really like.  We do not have an extramarital affair going on but just his existence in my life gives me tremendous joy.  He is the only person whom I feel can just bring me bliss without without words or voice.  When we do meet in gatherings that often include other colleagues and friends, there is this calm in him which soothes me. And he will be delicate and silent, and will find my lost raincoat in a dark club, or walk me to the train station, or just make sure I am the first one to get a meal, drink or dessert. He doesn’t talk much and what is there to say really. I will never leave my family and he knows what a devoted mom and wife I am. Would you accept me if you were him? What is obvious is I am unable to keep away from him. It has been 2 years and we still haven’t spoken more than 100 words.  What do you think?”

About this admirer of yours, well, he probably belongs to a school of thought (a bit more prevalent in France and Japan, two countries I know rather well) in which one chooses to satisfy oneself with even a piece if he cannot have the whole.  Recognizing that he cannot have you, he is happy to enjoy that brief time that he has with you.  It is actually a great compromise even for people like you.  Since you do not want to leave your husband and if someone can fill that hole, it is better to take that option rather than deny the existence of a problem or not even take the less popular option (some sort of a relationship with another man for a married woman).

It is naive to think that to find true love we should be married till death or that even be together.  Happiness, which is the end game of existence, is fleeting and it is better to find it in small things rather than chase them by owning things.  I love to stay in fine hotels when I feel like surrounding myself with luxuries rather than buy every thing that I want in life.  The sacrifice in the latter case is not worth the joy.  So do not make it any more complex than it needs to be.  If you two simply enjoy each others company, just feel the joy in your heart and forget the rest.