MYNIPPON

James writes, “When I was younger, my dad didn’t help me out any, to say the least. Eventually we broke contact, so going through high school I had no idea what to do. I met a girl I really liked, but I made a stupid decision to turn to drugs.  I don’t remember being 15, and barely remember being 16. I know this much though, I had a serious chance and I blew it. Even though a lot of time had passed, she and my mom still talked because the girl ended up saving my life. She told my mother, ‘He will always have a special place in my heart.’  We made plans to meet up after she moved away, but all of a sudden we just stopped talking. Now she has a boyfriend. Even if I didn’t have a second chance like I thought, I can’t help but think that us not talking anymore had something to do with me maybe not seeming like the guy she knew. I really felt like I couldn’t talk to her, and even if we never take it a step further, I at least want to know how to fix things to be friends again.”

Friendships require commitment and work:   I am not a big fan of necessarily trying to revive a relationship that was not meant to happen.  In any case she is not single any way.  I guess she relocated, found love with another guy, but for a variety of reasons, thinks of you as just a nice man.  Remember that we are all so busy that we don’t always have the time to look back and that is why the friendship kinda died.  It is like my friends from high school or college; they all have a special place in my heart but it is hard to keep the friendship.

Obviously, she was there for you in a very difficult time and if you want to acknowledge that, the first thing you need to do is to write a handwritten letter to her thanking her for all that she did for you and how it made a difference.  Also let her know that you are now sober, a good man, and want to make the best of your life.  Do not ask for anything more.  I think just writing it down will make you feel better and she will feel good about it too.  Respect her privacy and her right to go on with her new life.  However, if she wants to take the friendship to the next level, she will reach out to you.  So don’t hope for anything but life is full of surprises; so you never know.