MYNIPPON

Natalie was dumped by her boyfriend of three years and despite her desperate efforts at patching up with him, her ex boyfriend refused to even consider the possibility.  At my insistence that at least she start meeting new people by going to parties and hanging out with friends, she writes back with an update, “I have been talking to Luke, whom I met at a party a few weeks ago, every night now and he and I are actually meeting soon! First date. We can talk for hours at a time on the phone and it’s just nuts.  I am looking forward to meeting him but am also kinda freaked out.  I do still have hope for Joe, my ex, somewhere at the back of my heart, but in my head I am sure he isn’t coming back.  I don’t know if now I am just wanting to be friends with my ex or what but there are for sure still feelings for him that I don’t know will ever go away.  What do I do?”

Well, I am so happy for you that you have found a connection with Luke and good luck with the first date.  I am hopeful that everything will go well because this whole breakup thing taught you a lot and you are a wiser woman now.  The only thing I would like you to think about is what experts refer to as a rebound relationship or even retaliation relationship.  In summary, women who get into a relationship after a breakup simply because they are so lonely and getting into any relationship (generally with the first guy they run into) helps them feel better about themselves, raises their self esteem that while they were dumped they can still charm a guy, or a way to get back at their ex to somehow prove to him that he lost something valuable and you found another man.

Regarding your ex, I am losing hope, now that so much time has flown by so it is nice to see that you are dating again.  Go out there and have fun and don’t over-analyze anything.  Relax, be yourself, and it is okay to make mistakes.