Barry is in a sexless marriage and does not want to divorce his wife for the sake of kids. He would rather have a long-term extramarital affair with a married woman, so she does not fall in love with him and force him to marry her. He writes, “A mistress would make me feel more guilty because beside cheating I also use family money, we don’t have separate finances. So… married woman that is…I have also a quite small pool of friends and acquaintances so I cannot choose the right married woman. How do I approach a married woman that doesn’t necessary look for a relationship? How do I make her think about it? How do I suggest it/provoke it (subliminally, let’s say)? What should I do/say to make her think about it and to get her attention? Also , there is a final question: I know that sounds silly but maybe you can give me some examples, what I can say to come on her but to be able to fall back, to re-interpret my phrase/move. The idea is to give the clear message if she is ready for it or… to add just a hint of confusion if she is not, just enough that she would not notice it as a clear move and she will not tell it to her husband or my wife. I’m sure you understand what I need. Also about the gestures that I could “risk” but still “take back”…(reinterpret, claim misunderstanding, etc, you know …). I tried with another woman once a very shy move and she reacted wrong, while putting it on being a bit under influence of alcohol made things worse. Please help.”
What I would like to emphasize is that based on what you have told me so far, it is going to be a long, hard slog, because you are tight with money and your pool of friends is small, and while it could happen in a week, it could easily take months/years. Because remember that you are not just looking for a one-night stand, if I understand it right, you are looking for someone who you can have an affair lasting for a long period of time, and this woman is trustworthy and is willing to give you as much as sex as you desire.
Also, you two will need to figure out a way to find a place every single time so that ideally you want a woman who has a place of her own that you can go to without raising any suspicions. I know it is a tall order but if you are patient and clever, you can do it. I would also like to emphasize that you can expand your possibilities by including even single, but older women too because there are a lot of divorced, single moms who have no plans to get married or enter into a serious relationship but they sure want sex. And I do not know if this appeals to you but there are also couples who like to include other men in their sex lives. The number is small but this is definitely attractive as well, and not all the men in these cases are bisexuals. Some of them are impotent or have health issues or simply like to watch.
Regarding your other questions, below are my thoughts:
- Think from her perspective first. She is not looking for a relationship because she is hopeless, knows the risks, or is simply not sure if it is possible. So act accordingly to address these concerns.
- Secondly, she does not know if she can find a married man, like yourself, because it is just too complicated. Considering that your pool of such women is small, I suggest that you dig around on the Internet and you will run into forums where such women often hang out. If you live in a fairly large city chances are that it might be easier to find someone. I think you should really give the Internet a chance because some of the other concerns that you have expressed are addressed better online. Online you can straight away say what you are looking for, something impossible to do with a person you know in real life.
- Trying to engage a woman you already know in this type of arrangement means that you will first need to be her best friend. Remember that she is as terrified as you are and does not even know if you are interested. Obviously, you want to target someone who seems more amenable, for instance, someone who you think is sexually unhappy, has the setup that will work for you, but also seems sexy/flirtatious. You do not want to target women who have simply given up on sex and are happy living asexual lives or would rather just please themselves. I am sure you have the eye for a woman who is willing to take risks because you will be wasting your time trying to convince a dedicated wife to have an affair. Also stay away from the deeply religious types.
- Regarding your question about how to actually propose what you want, I would say that if you have the right woman, it would be easy. My experience helping hundreds of my readers shows that the right woman will know after just one conversation that you are not getting enough sex and you want to take her to bed.
- The right woman is not stupid and if she is in the right set of circumstances, she will take care of things like where to meet, how to hide it, and how to make it something that seems natural, rather than an affair (Callista Bisek was a perfect mistress by hiding an affair with Newt Gingrich for six years while he was always in the spotlight). That is why, my advice would be not just hit on any woman that you run into, regardless of how flirtatious she seems, because a woman has to be ready for it.
I would like to get more details from you about the woman who it took the wrong way, because my reaction is not what you said or how you said; it seems that you were targeting the wrong woman, you had not done your homework, and she was not ready for it. See, you are looking for a needle in the haystack but once you find her, the actual process of starting the affair will be easy. That means that every woman you consider to be a potential target, you will need to do a lot of research on her.