MYNIPPON

It has been widely known that tanning leads to skin cancer, though, that does not stop millions of idiots to hide in tanning beds for hours each week.  Now, clever personal care companies realized that some smart people will abandon tanning salons but that did not mean that they could not convince celebrities to go out in public looking all tanned by spraying them with fake tanners.  The next thing you know all those poor people who could no longer afford to go to the beach (because the taxes they paid were deposited in offshore accounts by the rich by robbing the government) started to take showers in fake tanner.

Now it turns out that the deadly chemicals (procured from China, of course) that they dumped in your spray tanners means that either you will not get pregnant or if you did because you were copulating with a man with a massive sperm count, your baby will be born with serious birth defects.  Oh, in addition to fertility problems, you might still get cancer.

Ladies, if you are still not convinced that there is no need for you to be tanned, just ask a brown person, who is most likely applying a ton of equally toxic and dangerous skin whitening cream to look pale and white like you.  What is wrong with you people?  Trust me, almost all of the non-white people want to look like you while you want to look like them.  Why is the world so upside down?