MYNIPPON

Allison writes, “My boyfriend and I are currently in a long distance relationship. We had the chance to be together last weekend. It was great, even though I was sick. I have allergies and I spent the whole weekend with a running nose and sneezing. Anyway, he left and has asked if I’m feeling better every other day. Today he asked “How are you feeling? Do you still have a sore throat?” “What?” “Yeah, are you feeling better about that?” “I didn’t have a sore throat.” “You didn’t? So what was it?” Then I explained. He says “Sorry, babe, I’m really sleepy and your voice has been different these days you’ve been sick, so I guess I’m confused, Are you, okay anyway?” I said yes, but felt really sad that he forgot; I mean, we were together on the weekend and a blew my nose every 5 minutes. How does he forget what is wrong with me? I have these sort of allergies every now and then. It was actually late and he gets up early so I didn’t make much of a fuss so he could sleep. I’m feeling really hurt now. Am I being childish?  He is just like these, I guess:  he forgets things easily. It’s not only with me or our things; it’s with everything in his life in general. This hurts sometimes, because it feels like he doesn’t pay attention to me or what I say.  Do I need to worry about this or I should simply ignore this?”

Others may not always appreciate your pain: Now, if this is the only problem that you have, then, this is nothing to worry about.  This is why.  Last week, when my wife went to attend the BlogHer conference in New York, she came back with an infection.  They symptoms: runny nose, itchy throat, coughing, breathing difficulty, chest congestion, headache, slight fever, etc.  Can you see how many symptoms she had?  So what did she have?  The doctor says that it could be one of many diseases (and is an infection of some sort) and has given her many medicines to make her feel better.  Now as far as I am concerned, I some times ask her how her cough is because when I hear her coughing in another room I get worried.  At other times, I touch her and if she feels hot, I ask about her fever.  Her illness does not have a name because like your allergies, there are so many symptoms, that others can get confused if you have a cold or allergy or an infection.  I think with a disease like this one it is easy to get confused and notice one thing more than other.  So unless you had specifically told him that you are suffering from illness A, he can be forgiven for this.

Relationships are all about molding ourselves to our partner’s personalities: In addition, as a guy let me tell that we men are just a little bit more disorganized than you ladies.  Secondly, some people — both men and women — are less fastidious than others.  Yeah, life is a bit crazy for these people — they constantly misplace things, forget birthdays/anniversaries, don’t pay bills on time, do not remember what others tell them to do, etc. — but they would not live it any other way.  It is part of their personality.  So if he is like that, it is something that you will learn to live with.  I am probably more like you, and my wife is more like him, but I have made peace with it.  My wife constantly misses her appointments so for very important things to be done, I hope you can believe this, I note them in my planner.  Then I remind her that today is her doctor’s appointment or she has to call her sister for her birthday on Sunday.  So I hope this puts it in perspective for you and you can now realize that it is just him and he is not ignoring you specifically.