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Don't
let your marriage fall apart
Stay
away from a divorce: it doesn't help anyone, particularly kids.........By Pierre Coda
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For many years I have been troubled by the high rate of divorce in our country. According to widely published statistics, one out of every two marriages fails in the United States. This is a very scary rate. In fact I think that the rate of divorce might very well put an end to marriage, as we know it, in America. Marriages are already on the decline in parts of Europe and a lot of Americans are either delaying marriage or not marrying at all
(Related:
Couples in long marriages). While I hear so much about the threats from a couple of
gay people getting married, hardly any one cares why the divorce rate is going
through the roof. (Related:
Life after marriage for men)
Let me be very clear up front: I am
neither in favor of nor opposed to marriage. I think it is a personal decision that two individuals
need to make. I am no one to preach this. What I am opposed to is divorce between couples with children, at least in the casual manner that we are currently engaging in it. Yes, some marriages will go wrong or some people will change to a point that it might be impossible to live with them, but when it happens to every other couple, we need to take a
step back and do some soul-searching here. (Related:
Selma Blair divorce) |
 What to do before marriage?
In my extensive discussions with both single women/men and couples, I have learned that there is still too much pressure
in our society to get married. No wonder once we run into someone who seems even remotely close to our image of a spouse, we decide to get married. A few years later, as we mature and the realities of life start to
test our
commitment, we find that there was never a strong bond in the first place. The result: "Let's get a divorce". While divorce is painful for practically anyone, it is particularly disastrous to children
(Related:
How
to sign a prenup agreement). I think kids that grow up in a family that
goes through a (maybe even more than one) divorce grow up with severe
psychological problems.
So, boys and girls, here is what you should do before you get married:
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Ask yourself if
you are really the type of person who wants to be married (while I am very broad-minded otherwise, I still believe, that, to the extent possible, marriage should be for
life). There are so many other ways to be with someone you like if you are not sure if you want to spend the rest of your life with that person.
I totally disagree with Brad Pitt.
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Go through a comprehensive personality test to know more about yourself and what you want from a partner.
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Once you have narrowed down the list and started to date a person, ask him or her to take some
compatibility
tests. Look at the results and analyze if you are
compatible enough to get through the challenges of a marriage.
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Apart from that ask all the uncomfortable questions before
you propose. There is no reason to be embarrassed. Also do not think that just because you are in love with someone you can work it out. It is generally harder than you think. I am not saying that you should not marry a person who is not a
perfect match (there rarely is); but asking the tough questions now will allow you to set realistic expectations and know beforehand what the other partner wants from you.
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Marriage is not a
dream
vacation. After the
honeymoon, most of us have to deal with the mundane problems of life and if you do not share a common vision and do not have realistic expectations from marriage, you
may not have a blissful
relationship.
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Never think that marriage will ever end any problems in your life. Unfortunately a lot of women think that once they
find a nice man, they can live happily ever after. Alas, it works out that way for only a handful of women.
What to do after marriage?
When they say marriage is work, believe them. It really is. In my opinion it is even more difficult than a job. If a job does not work out, you can leave one and move on to another one. Yes, it might be hard to
find another
job, your salary may go down, or you might not like the next job either but rarely would an employer care if you leave and hardly anyone gets affected when you switch jobs. A divorce causes lifelong damages to a lot of participants in the process.
(Related:
Life
after divorce for women)
If you think that marriage is not working out the way you intended, work on it to make things better. While it is easy to think that you can simply move on and find another person, in most cases if you both work hard enough, you can work something out. Remember you were deeply in love when you decided to get married. A divorce should be the last resort,
as happened in the case of
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline who tried their best before
quitting. Finally, seek help if you can not work it out on your own. There is nothing wrong with asking a
professional to help
you.
(Related:
Get fair share after divorce)
Recommended links: Getting
married after you are 30: advice for women How
to keep the passion alive? Dating
after divorce
I want to leave a bad marriage
Reese Witherspoon Ryan Philippe divorce
I am desperate to leave my husband
My husband is suffocating me
Should I bring a friend on my honeymoon
I got pregnant in the middle of my divorce
What to do after
getting a divorce?
Why is Eva Mendes not married |
