Beth writes,
"I am a never-married,
single woman in my
30s living next door to a
divorced man (late 40s) I am very attracted to.
He has never told me, but I believe his
divorce was bitter. I have every indication that this
man likes me too (Plus a couple times, I've overheard him
talking to his friend about me. Once I heard him say he
wants to have a relationship, but he's scared.). We do
small talk in our
backyards every now and then and I made an attempt
last week to invite him over for dinner, but he made up
some kind of excuse that he had to work in the morning and
do yard work in the afternoon. I don't know if that WAS an
excuse or if he's just scared. I have lived next door to
him for 3 years and I have never seen a woman at his
house, and I don't believe he dates. I know if he gave it
a chance, it would be worth it for both of us, although, I
don't want to be mean, but if there is no hope for us, I
don't want to waste my time, sort of speak. I don't feel I
owe him anything at this point because we are not in an
official relationship, but when I think about dating other
people, I feel guilty, which is weird, I know! I just
don't want to "invade" his space, since he does live right
next door to me. So I guess my question is, should I let
it go, or keep trying? And if I should keep trying, how
can I carefully move forward with him?"
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Regarding your
situation, I would suggest a more delicate/subtle approach
since if something goes wrong, it will be awkward being
neighbors. First of all, it is natural for people to get
bitter after an
ugly divorce. Many people completely withdraw from
romantic relationships because they just don't want to
deal with the challenges of a relationship. Others can be
even bitter and cold to colleagues and even
strangers. I am starting to wonder if that is what has
happened to him. (Related:
Get fair share after divorce)
Since
you have invited him only once, let us give him the
benefit of doubt - he really was busy. Plus, for a man
like him it seems that a dinner would sound like something
too formal. So I would suggest something so casual that he
can't say No. For example, if I was working in my yard and
you called me to share a
burger because you were grilling right there, it would
be hard for me to say No at lunch time. You get the idea.
Depending on your situation you might be able to come up
with similar scenarios to at least go one step beyond
polite small talk with neighbors. (Related:
Bruce Willis and Demi Moore) |
 It
might also be good to
chat with him more often and even ask for his
help, e.g.
change a kitchen faucet. So something like
that would be a
good excuse for him to help a lady in
distress. That would give you a chance to chat a
little more and maybe
offer a drink - again, something that does not
require that he
dress up and
bring a bottle of wine. (Related:
Life after divorce for women)
I
would say that you should try along these lines
2-3 times and if still nothing works out I would
suggest "seduction"
which may work because apparently he has an
interest in a relationship with you (if what you
overheard is right). This will not be my first
step, though, since he might get too scared of you
(How
to treat your ex)
and consider you an aggressive person.
(Related:
How to seduce men)
How to date other people?
Once
you know the outcome of this exercise and realize that he
is just a "stone," it will set you free. I think you are
feeling guilty because somehow you want this to work out
and feel that it is almost like "cheating"
to date anyone else. But at some point when you conclude
that he is really a waste of time, you can
move on
and
date other men.
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