Recently, we organized a Love
Summit at our office. It is just a fancy way of saying that our team got together to assess our success in helping
people find love and what we could do better. But this article is not about some of the changes that you will see on the website or new services that we plan to
introduce (You are invited to take a look at our
enormous resources
for finding a relationship for folks seeking relationships of all types). This time we want to share some of our findings during last three years on why some people fail in finding love.
(Related article: How
can a man find a girlfriend?)
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While statistics on a global basis are hard to come by, the
US Census Department reports that
in the United States, there are as many as 100 million single adults. In a country with approximately 300 million people that is a very big number. Now there is good and bad news. The good news is that since there are so many single people out there, it should be easy to find someone. The bad news is that if there are so many single people, something must be wrong. We all know that half the marriages in the United States fail. Generally speaking,
divorced people become more cautious in their next relationship, if at all they decide to have
one after a divorce. Then with so much bad news about failing relationships and almost everyone having friends and family members in bad relationships, the younger people
today are more skeptical of romantic relationships.
Psychologists also agree that children raised by single parent or in families with
dysfunctional relationship among parents or other immediate relatives tend to have cynical attitudes about relationships.
(Related article: How
to minimize risk of divorce: Divorces hurt kids
more than adults) |
 No wonder that we have some major problems in the American society and our research shows that a large number of single people do not take all the right steps to find the person that will give them long-term happiness. Based on our experience, here are some of the things that people are not doing right to find love:
1. Waiting for luck to strike
Finding love is like finding a
dream
job. If you do not try hard to find the employer that will let you do what you really want to do, you will end up being in the first job you find and will
hate it the rest of your life. You might even be fired for not performing since you will not enjoy it and will not do your best. Our research shows that so many people just wait for their dream boy or
dream girl to come along without them even trying.
(Related article: How
to minimize babe shock factor?)
2. Trying to get it on the cheap
We are continuously shocked to hear from people who seem very committed to finding love but then do not want to spend a penny. Just sitting at home is not going to get you too far. Not only you have to have
stylish clothes and anything else that you need to make a favorable impression on a date, you also need to budget something for a date and subsequent engagements. But before you even get a date, you must plan on spending money to find one. If you believe in in-person approach (something that we highly recommend but is not enough by itself), you will need to go to parties, participate in voluntary activities, and even visit bars - all of these will cost varying amounts of money. We also recommend that you try online options but be warned that any service that is free, you are very likely to meet other free-riders. So these are other people who are not committed either and while you might get lucky sometimes, it is not the way to find meaningful relationships. We suggest
websites that are not particularly expensive, and also have free trial periods so that you can check out
the system before you commit to spending any significant
dollars. If you are interested in a specific type of
person (e.g. race,
political
orientation, location, etc.), then you must try specialty
websites. MYNIPPON has conducted a thorough
review of popular dating websites here and tips
on writing a powerful personal ads are here.
If you are on a tight budget, you have cheap
online dating options too.
3. Not following through
Have you ever
realized what you need to do to keep a job? The pain that one has to go through to find and keep a job can be stressful. If one does not pay the attention a job deserves, a job is lost pretty quickly. The same thing happens with a relationship. If you do not put your heart and soul into it, well, a
breakup or a
divorce is guaranteed. After the
first date itself, the discipline should start. All the way from remembering all the important details, finding time for activities together, and treating the partner as the
most important person in the world, to
developing an action plan for the future need discipline.
Recommendations
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We hear daily from women and men who are lonely and desperately want to find love but only 5% or so of these people actually
succeed
at dating. From some, we never hear again once you tell them that finding love will require discipline and hard work. Others bolt when you tell them it will cost some money - they rush to find where else can they go where they can get it for free. The third group comprises folks who just do not have the commitment to succeed. Do you belong to this group?
If so, you will need to change if you want to succeed. Take it seriously. Once you get into a good relationship you will really regret all those years you wasted being
single.
Use all the help you can. We have a sister website
dedicated to finding,
living, and enjoying a relationship that many of our patrons have found to be useful.
Make sure you budget an amount that you can afford and
spend it carefully.
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Recommended links: Women
win when dating online Rules
for relationships with men
Why am I still single
Why I don't have a steady boyfriend
What can a man do to win a woman's heart |
