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Tips
on socializing for American women in Asia
How
to appreciate local values and still meet people and make friends?
By Sue Elaine
There
is a myth going on about single women on the move
working in other countries.
That if they are single, they are easy prey.
Easy prey for what?
Mostly for physical
relationships. This is mostly a problem for white women because we are
usually depicted in
 the action movies, TV shows and
porn
as very
lonely (Related:
Porn addiction). That’s only a
myth. In
fact, western women are much more than that.
And women are becoming stronger than you think.
In America this seems to be the case where women
are
taking more powerful positions, and seem to be on
the same playing field as men. However,
as women we have got to take note of what we encounter
when we enter into uncharted waters like Asia we may not
be familiar with, yet or call our home.
Because the way women are treated in different
countries varies from place to place.
From
my travels and life in Korea, in most cases, women were
still treated like second class citizens.
Korean
girls were seen as the weaker gender on the
outside, but inside the house they were the ones that
ruled the checkbook, took care of the
finances, and were
queen of the house.
In fact, in Korea, the housewife does get a lot
more respect than in the US.
The same is true for Japan as well, and it seems
as of late that a kind of interesting revolution
is taking place. (Related:
Korean
tourists)
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Where
does the foreign woman fit in?
Well, in some circumstances there are things foreign women must never encounter or walk into, like
special karaoke with topless women and the like.
Those are primarily for the businessmen.
However, if you have the right connections and
know the right friends, you can have a good time
partying, drinking and having fun just like the guys.
However,
as with anything, you have to do that in moderation, or
you might encounter someone, whether foreign or domestic
that you may not want to take home that night.
And if you are a single woman in a foreign land,
you need to be extra careful.
These days there is a lot of talk about the sex
slavery industry in Asia and how it’s mostly Russian
women who are the victims of these circumstances.
So, if you are a white woman, regardless of
whether you are
American, Canadian, or not, you still
could be the target of some unwanted attention.
(Related: Korean
beauty
Ursula Mayes) |
So
the question is: What
do I do to keep myself safe?
How can I avoid encountering idiots who are only
seeking me for a good lay or for being friends with me
for just the English?
- If
you are on the street and some guy is trying to say
hello to you. DON’T
STOP TO TALK TO HIM.
In some cultures, if you do this, it is
perceived as if you may like the guy and want a date
with him. Most
of the time, that does seem to be the purpose.
- If
you end up exchanging phone numbers but regretting
that you did in the first place realizing that you
felt a potential creep on your hands, do what I’ve
done. Play
hard to get. Say
you are busy. Then,
if you are being pushed too much against the wall
over the phone, slam the phone down on him.
It’s something you don’t need.
Most guys hate it when the woman is onto
their game and starts acting stronger than him.
And trust me ladies, when you do this, you
are telling the guy that you deserve respect and you
will not be treated as an object.
- Places
you don’t want to meet a guy:
-
The
Internet: I have discovered through my personal
experience on and off the dating scene in Asia is that the
guy that most wants to meets you has many
secrets
to hide.
He
is also the one that is not only
pretty lonely,
but also indecisive in his real life.
I met a guy one time that was contemplating
on breaking up with his girlfriend and as we were
getting closer, or so I thought, he ended up
getting engaged to her anyway.
-
Nightclubs:
There are some nightclubs I’ve gone to where it
becomes more of a
one-night stand
pick-up or meat
market than a place to go with your friends and
have a good time.
For some reason, when you go to a club in
another country and there are other expats around,
it’s like everyone is expecting to
get laid that
night.
Yet,
when you go into a Korean or
Japanese night
club,
it’s like everyone is in the moment, there are
no expectations, everyone is letting loose and
letting go of their stress, and it’s just a lot
of fun. What is wrong with this picture?
-
On
the street: Maybe the hosts of the country
won’t try to pick you up.
However, someone else who is staying there
from somewhere else will.
Why some
guy would try to pick up a
woman
on a street in the early morning hours or even
while she’s going home at 7 PM in the evening is
still beyond my comprehension.
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Places
you want to meet a guy as well as a few other
friends:
-
In
a social club: The best way I have found not only
to meet guys or potential dates have been in clubs
that related to my interests. This is because the guys are not only more open-minded,
but their level of intelligence and English skill
seems to be better than average.
In fact, in most of these social clubs,
people want to
practice their language skills, as
well as find someone to hang out with.
But be careful, you could be juggling more
than one potential guy and you might find a few
bad apples in the group.
However, in the end you develop great
friendships with some of your dates and sometimes
get a few surprise moments here and there that
will make you smile.
-
Introductions:
This is one area where the Japanese and other
Pacific Asians got it right.
Sometimes the
best way to meet someone is
through another person.
I found out that some of my most
interesting encounters were through my friends
whose friends heard about me, and thus joined the
party.
-
At
work: I’ve met some cool people at work
teaching my students.
However, I wouldn’t recommend trying the
dating scene with them until after you have
finished teaching them and become the ex-teacher
and break the hierarchy barriers a bit.
It’s amazing what happens when you click
with one of your students and they suddenly become
your best friends.
The
most important thing to remember is that when you are
traveling to another country, you want to show people
that you are representing your country.
In fact, it is your job to break down the
stereotypes that people have of you and what you have of
your host country, whether it is Japan or anywhere else.
And if the topic comes up, don’t force people
about how wrong they are, but educate them.
It is your job to command respect and to show
respect at the same time.
Or more importantly, in the words of an MTV show
I saw on the rules of dating:
Just be yourself, Duh!
Recommended links: Dating techniques for Japanese and other Asians
Korean
Japanese relationships
Relationship
myths
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