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Wives are often shocked
when a husband voices his desire for a
marital separation or
divorce. This is because many men do not discuss
their feelings easily, according to marriage counseling
expert Nancy Wasson, Ph.D. “Even if the wives suspect
that the spouse isn’t entirely happy, they don’t think
he’d ever be the one to ask for a divorce,” she says. It
can also happen in reverse when a man cannot fathom why
his wife wants a divorce while he has been a "good
husband."
According to Dr. Wasson,
there are five basic needs that are critical to
happiness and
satisfaction in any relationship:
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- Men want to be appreciated for what they
contribute to the
marriage and family. They don’t want to be taken
for granted. Some men have said, “I feel like she
only values my paycheck and if I weren’t here
anymore, she’d be fine with that.” Everyone likes to
feel appreciated, and husbands are no exception.
- Husbands enjoy seeing their wives
smile and laugh, and they find smiles and
laughter appealing. They do enjoy having their wives
appreciate their jokes or stories, but they also
like to see their wives just looking happy in
general.
- Husbands want to feel that their wives really
care about their welfare and about them on a deep
level. They want their
wife to
spend time with them, to be concerned about
their health, happiness, and well-being. They don’t
want to feel that the kids always come first and
that their preferences and needs are overlooked.
- Husbands want
private time with their wives—not just for
sex,
although that’s important--but also to do activities
together on their own. This is where making time for
a “date
night out” every week or so is important. Then
the husband and wife can
see a movie they want to see, uninterrupted by
the kids, or have a
peaceful meal at a restaurant.
- Husbands want a
satisfying private life. A
marriage without passion is lacking a key
ingredient that wives all too often underestimate.
The fire or passionate spark that helps a couple to
stay together is missing, so there’s often a lack of
“life” or energy in the relationship.
According to Dr. Wasson,
“It’s important to
open the
communication door so that the husband will feel
‘heard’ and the wife will have the information she needs
to readjust her priorities and start making changes that
can save the
unhappy marriage and
stop divorce.” Related
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Wasson
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