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How
to break ice with women?
Be
creative and natural......By Carlos Xuma (Based on the contents of the book
Seduction
Method)
I have found that even in
seduction there's a lot of confusion about how to
break the ice with a woman you find. "Hi" is still a very safe and non-threatening starter, but you have to have a follow-up to keep things going from there. The follow-up is usually a question of some kind, as a way to lead her into disclosure and kick-start the conversation.
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Three rules of the opening question:
- Be relevant to the situation you are in. Don't ask her questions that don't pertain to your situation. Something like: "Man, it's so HOT today. When do you think it's going to let up?" or "You know, that's a
great sweater. My sister would probably like something like that."
- Make sure your opening statement is easy to agree with. Yes, it IS hot outside. Yes, I AM
wearing a beautiful sweater. Etc.
- It should answer the silent question "Why are you talking to me?"
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 Another important rule: Don't load your question with a lot of hidden agenda. What I mean by this is that you shouldn't ask a question like: "Hey, are you seeing anyone?" or "What are you doing this week?"
(Related article: Conversation
starters for a perfect stranger in a public place)
Keep your questions low-investment. This will keep it from seeming too intimidating to answer. You don't want her feeling like you want something from her. You should always be seeking to communicate that you have something to GIVE her. It's like doing a sales approach. If you walked up to a hundred people and asked them: "Would you like to
buy a
car?" you'd be lucky to find anyone that would be interested. Even those people who ARE looking for a car would get spooked and bolt. The same situation would occur if you walked up to a hundred women and asked, "Hey, wanna
date me?" You'd get about 99 slaps or disgusted looks, and maybe one woman that wouldn't call the cops right away. One of the most important principles in combat is to lure your adversaries with the prospect of gain, and take them with surprise and cunning. (Study Sun
Tzu, for you eggheads out there.) That's why you make your approach mutually beneficial. She is taken in by your wit and wiles.
Context is important. The situation you are in will dictate your approach and context.
Context is simply using the right words for the right
situation. An example of good context is to ask a woman, "Do you enjoy swing
dancing?" when a Tommy Dorsey or big band song is playing. An example of really bad context is asking her, "Do you like to ice skate?" when it's summer in Florida and you've just approached her in a bar. This may sound like common sense, but as they say, common sense ain't so common. I've seen guys ask questions that made no
friggin' sense whatsoever, like: "Have you seen any good movies?" when walking up to a woman in a bar. Now, that might not seem so
Looney to you as an opener, but think about what you would do if someone walked up and asked you the same thing. Your mental transmission would have to consider which gear to slip into with something as unrelated as that. So just keep it about where you are and what you're currently doing.
Making sure the opener is easy to agree with is another way to make it easier for her to go along with you. Asking questions that can only be answered "yes" is another sales tactic by which you start the flow of positive energy and keep her saying yes all night long. Remember, negativity will never get you closer to your goal. The only thing that will help you reach your target is to sneak under the defenses a woman has automatically put up so that you can get her trust and attraction.
(Related article: How
to minimize babe shock factor?)
The final point that you want your opener to convey is the reason why you're talking to her. Now, ultimately, every woman knows that you're talking with her because you are
interested in her, and eventually you hope this to lead to a session of
s*x. That's the unspoken motivation that puts us in this position of
approaching women time and time again. They know it, and we know it.
What you have to do is to make your interest sincere enough at the first stage that she will feel unique and special - that you are taking a genuine interest in HER. She knows what comes down the road, but it's up to you to make the introduction enough for her to think: "Hmmm ... I know he's talking to me because he would eventually love to get his
hands on my
bust, but I like what he said, and he's not like all the other dorks who came on to me so obviously. I'll give him a chance."
Now, the psychology of a woman is not so different when it comes to attraction. You see, men and women respond to similar strategies when it comes to our relationship and
sexual attraction patterns. That's right, the things I advise you to do here will probably work for women as well.
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