Kristin
writes, "When I was
dating
my husband, we casually discussed having
children and he did not say much. I simply assumed
that he was like most men out there. During the
first few years of our marriage, neither of us wanted
children so we didn't talk much about it, but now I am
approaching 40, and when I wanted to get pregnant, he
says he does not want children. I love him a lot, he
is a
wonderful husband, but I feel deceived. How can
we work this out?"
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If
marriages were like business deals, we would sign up
detailed contracts with all such important details
discussed in depth. Unfortunately, not only is it
possible to discuss many things in detail prior to the
wedding, one has a right to change one's mind in a
marriage. The net result is that for a
strong
marriage to stay that way, each and every day, we have
to find common ground. Steps to resolve
a conflict by finding a common ground
See
the other angle of the story. Have you tried
to find out why he may not want kids? If so,
take the time to talk to him and get to understand
his views and issues. |
 Discuss
alternatives. Unless he is opposed to having
children altogether in the household, there are
other options for you to be a mother, for example,
adoption. Even if he does not want
children in the household, you can spend time with
children by volunteering or
becoming a foster family.
In
conclusion, what I am saying is that unless you
both work to find a common ground, there will only
be bitterness and frustration - not something
helpful to a relationship.
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