of an interracial relationship
understanding, and commitment are needed.......By Tasha Senna
Since I can recall, I have always have been attracted
to Asian men. I managed even to marry a gorgeous
European man of East Asian heritage. However, our
relationship became pretty rocky and then it is on the
verge of ending soon. One day, feeling quiet desperate
depressed, I put my profile on an online dating website
I would like to meet an East Asian gentleman for a
romantic encounter than a steady relationship. For a
while I got all kinds of responses but nothing that
would catch my attention.
||One beautiful day couple of weeks ago, however, I got a response.
In a short, very proper note, a Japanese
gentleman introduced himself saying that he was living
close by due to his work. As I had already dated once a
Japanese man and had very positive, almost magical
experience, I was thrilled. I checked his photographs. I
liked him at once. He wasn’t the typical handsome boy
but had rather strong features, serious expression and
his smile was light and attractive. He had a small goatee and
reminded me somehow of famous Japanese actor Sanada. He
has an absolutely nomadic life-style.
For many years he has lived abroad.
He studied in the United States in early 90s and
since then he has been living in Europe, working at
different universities. He has a minimum of material
possession, no girlfriends that I know of, many
acquaintances, but not many close friends. He likes
non-Japanese women, he told me.
Every couple of years he finds himself in a
painful distractive relationship with a non-Japanese
woman and even though he has no committed relationship
he is not waiting to go back to Japan or find a Japanese
could see that he is a walking disaster for any girl,
but of course, this unavailability makes him extra
attractive. Well, of course I answered his mail. After a couple of days
we were exchanging long, exciting emails. He seemed to
be very open-minded and very well educated. I told him
that I wasn’t seeking a serious relationship and it
was exactly what he wanted – just nice romantic
has an idea that I am in a relationship but what kind of
a relationship does not seem to be interesting for him.
So he doesn't ask and I don't tell him on my own.
After two weeks since he first wrote me for the first time, Kiyoshi
arrived to visit me. It was very strange to see someone
that I had first met online to see in flesh and blood.
We were walking through the old city, talking, and then
we went to have dinner. He seemed to me very quiet and
even a bit passive man. I had to start almost all of our
conversations. At one point I was sure I didn’t make
any good impression on him and was feeling somewhat
frustrated. But still it was a nice date for me.
Returning to his town, he gave me a kiss on my
That’s it; I thought to myself.
The guy even didn’t try to kiss me.
Oh, well, bad for him since I was waiting.
However, we kept writing each other e-mails. He didn’t break our
communication and I was glad about that. Thinking about
our meeting I decided to make sure that there was no
interest from his side since I was definitely interested
in something more than a kiss on the cheek. I took a day
off and asked if he wanted to see me again. He invited
me to come over and see him in his next email.
Sitting in the train I was half-sleeping, half-day dreaming.
Kiyoshi met me at the station, the same quiet,
the same calm expression. We went for a drink, talking
about his teaching and researching job, about my cats,
nothing serious. Sitting in an almost empty café I was
more than sure that he had no interest in myself.
He was just a nice polite man buying a lonely
girl a cup of
Oh, I felt sad about this, so I suggested that we
walk to the train station so that I could return to my
went through narrow old streets, still talking about
different subjects, from animal rights to movies.
he said to me: There is not much to do in this town and
the day is still pretty, so would you like to visit my
feeling disappointed, and wondering if we would still
talk about animal rights, I agreed however.
How much was I was surprised when after a couple
of minutes in his room, he started to caress my hair and
then sat closer to me. He held me firmly and kissed very
passionately, slipping his tongue in my mouth at once.
After kissing and touching each other, he took my by the
hand and guided to his bedroom.
He was very tender and gentle. I was surprised how good his body looked
without clothes. Mind you he is in his late thirties. I
nervous about first time being together. But
actually he was a thorough gentleman.
We spent this lazy afternoon staying in each
other arms, making
love, and talking meaningless things
like old lovers.
Afterwards he brought me to station. Strangely enough, he again became
distant and passive as soon as he got out of his bedroom. I could not believe that this was the same man
moaning from pleasure a few minutes ago.
Kiyoshi kissed me on my cheeks again before
saying good-bye. He didn’t go into any conversation
about what happened between us. I felt confused and
distressed about it.
When I got home I wrote him a “thank you” note, mentioning that I
would love to meet again some day. Actually, I am toying
with an idea of becoming his long-term “no strings
mistress. Looking in his eyes makes me dizzy
and his kisses make my knees go weak.
believe that his presence in my life will take me to
another level of development, fulfilling my wishes and
guess we have to be more careful when dating people of
other races and cultures – not all people think the
same way about romance.
sending Kiyoshi the note, I did not hear from him
immediately, as I had expected. Calming down and
analyzing what happened I came to the point of
understanding that I did make a wrong choice writing
that note. I got his response after two days.
In a few short sentences thanking me for a
beautiful day together, mentioning that he would like to
have occasional encounters with me but he did not want
any serious relationship.
He did shake my self-confidence and
completely. I was more than upset.
There was a chance with this guy, I thought, but
looks as if it was not going to work on my terms. So,
from my experience I would say never ever go too-strong
letting Japanese man know what you want or expect from a
relationship. He will take two or three steps back at
once, if you are lucky, or even, you might never hear
from him again. So many times it was said already, but,
hey, everyone learns from own mistakes.
a few restless days and sleepless nights I decided to
answer as short and cold as possible that the occasional
meetings were just fine with me. In my heart I was sure
that I would never receive another note from him. In
addition I sent him a few links he was asking before
about Japanese Culture Center in my city. How surprised
I was when I got his answer! He was thanking me for
information and asking how things were. It
was my second chance.
In his next letter, which surprisingly enough
talked about less important things in life (rather
unusual for Kiyoshi), he was wondering if I could find
time for him for a date. I had no chance of responding
because same evening he contacted me in one of the
chat-rooms that I hang out sometimes. One of his first
questions was if I could take a day off to meet him.
realized that if I wanted to keep this man interested in
me, I had to make time and space for him in my life but
not overwhelm my own life.
So, I politely said that I had to see what I
could do about a day off mentioning that during the
weekend I will be going out with a group of my friends.
It seemed to me that he was surprised about the last
comment, asking me what kind of friends they were, and
where we were planning to go.
a day off and informed Kiyoshi about it. He did agree on
that date without any questions. I decided to prepare
myself for the date, and after hours of searching the
web; I created an image, which might be more appealing
to him. I
must say that like many East European women I also care
a lot about my clothes and appearance. My
always done and I never leave my house
make-up. Being petite, pale-skinned and dark-haired
gives me a lot of advantages in using fashionable
clothes. So for our meeting I put away my glasses and
switched to the contact lenses instead.
I also chose an elegant yet feminine outfit
trying to create an image of
Audrey Hepburn, who I know
is highly admired in Japan.
of being chatty I went for the silent persona this time,
deciding to let Kiyoshi do the talking.
We met on a sunny afternoon. The first
thing I got was his smile, a big hug, and this time
kisses on my cheeks. Than he looked at me directly and mentioned that I looked
even prettier without glasses. Good start, I thought to
myself. Being quieter, I asked if he had a good trip, if
he was a bit tired and suggested going to a café for a
coffee. He said that he was not tired at all and would
love to see my place instead of the city.
continued to be quiet, and did let
Kiyoshi talk all the way, answering his questions,
his jokes and nodding politely at his remarks. He seemed
to be much less distant this time. At my place I showed
him around, introduced him to my cats and offered him
coffee. Before I finished making coffee he was pulling
myself to him, kissing and whispering some soft words I
could not understand properly. The words were not
important. Again, I decided to give him a leading role,
staying soft and submissive, hiding a bit my face after
his passionate kisses. And it seemed that leading
position suited Kiyoshi just fine. He half-suggested,
going to my bedroom. There he was
complimenting my lingerie on which I
spent more money
than that on the
entire wardrobe. Again,
I was completely amazed with his skills. He
is a perfect lover, to make a long story short. For a
few moments I thought that he was trying to say with his
body more than just having great intimate
relationship. He was demanding
contact, kept kissing my face, kept whispering
something that I could not understand, held my hands.
beautiful afternoon came to an end as Kiyoshi had to
catch the train back.
I brought him to the station, and again we were
chatting (he more than I).
We both seemed to be much more relaxed than last
time. When he almost got to the train I whispered in his
ear if he enjoyed this day and if he would like to see
me again… He did say “But of course” and then he
did do something very brave for a Japanese man: he
kissed my lips in public.
Continued on next page:
a new Japanese boyfriend
of interracial dating
Interracial marriages Obsession
with Japanese men
Latino Japanese relationship
common ground to make a relationship work
of making friends in Japan
to make interracial relationships work?
language friends Latina
at interracial dating
interracial relationships work?
expectations in inter-racial relationships
relationship of an interracial (American-Korean) couple