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Frequency
and type of intimacy for couples
Absolutely
critical for a strong marriage
By Pierre
Coda
When it comes to
physical intimacy, how adventurous should you be so that you and your partner could both feel
satisfied? This is a question that always comes up among couples in which one partner uses the other's lack of adventure or adequate interest (typically measured by frequency) in
intimacy as an excuse for infidelity. For instance, I have had many men claim innocence to an infidelity charge by their wives/girlfriends because they would not perform
certain types of activities on them or would not have intimacy as often as they wanted. Ridiculous as it sounds, this is a serious problem that needs to be addressed by all couples because eventually it leads to
unhappy relationships or even
divorces.
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It is natural to expect that a man and woman will have some differences in their attitudes towards
intimacy (how much, what type, etc.). There are women/men who want
intimacy every night but get married to men/women who think that once a week is more than enough. There are women who abhor even the idea of
of certain types of
bedroom activities while their partner either loves the idea or is at least interested in exploring it.
There are several other examples that show how different
two partners can be in their perspectives and wishes. |
 I congratulate couples who have a high level of understanding in their relationships and develop respect for other person's preferences. I do not think any
activity
in the bedroom is inherently bad as long as it is between consenting adults (and causes no physical or emotional pain). Accordingly, it is important for couples to discuss
personal intimacy preferences prior to any long-term commitment, particularly for those couples who do not wish to or can not have
sex prior to marriage. I advise this approach particularly to those clients of mine who believe in slightly unconventional
intimacy (the definition of unconventional intimacy will vary and I normally determine it by talking to the two partners separately).
What happens if one wants to engage in an activity that was not agreed upon prior to marriage? After all people change. Typically what I tell my clients in such cases is that they keep an open mind about
intimacy, or for that matter, anything else in the relationship that changes with time. What I have concluded over the years is that people who are
getting frustrated in their relationships are more likely to be tempted to seek satisfaction elsewhere. Therefore, even if you absolutely dislike a certain type of activity that your partner wishes to explore, it is better to talk about it first among yourself and then work out some kind of a compromise. No one, particularly the one that loves you, will force you and try to hurt you but as long as you can openly discuss it like two adults, you can come up with a solution that will make both of you
happy and save
your relationship.
Recommended links: Saving marriage
Physical
intimacy and relationships
How
to make yourself taste better when intimate?
Saving
your marriage
Desire
for intimacy with a lover Couples in long marriages
30 day sex challenge
What to do if my
husband does not like sex?
How to heat things
up in the bedroom? |
