for me personally, this was a huge challenge to meet. I
didn't realize it at the time, but I had dated so many
women, and had so many
relationship failures, that I
go out on dates, but have a negative outlook on
things. I would say things to myself like, "Well, I
might as well get her in bed
tonight, because this
probably isn't going to last anyway. I mean, look at how
she was 10 minutes late. She doesn't even respect my
time... and so forth." I realize that might sound a
little extreme, but this was where I was at in my life.
I had been burned by so many women, that I became jaded.
I finally realized was that it was ME who was screwing
up my chances of succeeding, not the women. Once I took
a real honest look at my internal beliefs about life,
people, and about myself, I began to notice a lot of
conflicts in my mental make up. You may or may not be
able to identify with what I'm talking about. What about
you? Do you have the same kind of problems with women
over and over again? Do you find that there is an
undesirable pattern going on in your dating life, and
your social life? Most likely it's because you have some
limiting beliefs that are conflicting with your desires
and your values. Here's an example:
Let's say you have a desire that sounds something
like this, "I want to date and sleep with several
woman simultaneously." Fair enough; I often date
and sleep with several women at once too. Okay, now let
me ask you a question. Have you ever had a woman that
you cared about a lot, and then you noticed that she was
paying a lot of
attention to another man? Or, have you ever had a
woman sleep with another man while she was also dating
and sleeping with you?
you answered yes, I'm just curious, how did it feel when
you found out? Did you get that horrible feeling in the
pit of your stomach, and you were uneasy for days,
weeks, or even months or years (especially if this was a
wife or a true love)?
Okay, so now you've got a conflict going on,
because your conscious mind says that you want to enjoy
several women at the same time (I'm not talking
about something wild here, I'm just saying that you happen
to be sleeping with multiple women at various times). On
the other hand, your subconscious mind, the part of your
mind that remembers everything that has ever happened to
you and that controls all of your involuntary body
functions, remembers the pain that you experienced when
YOU were on the receiving end of someone who was not monogamous.
do you think that might cause some internal conflicts?
On one hand, you want one thing, but on the other hand,
you remember how much pain that situation caused you in
the past. So you will endlessly vacillate between those
two desires. Okay,
so knowing this, what can you do? Well, you can do a
LOT, but it takes a little bit of mental training. So
here we go...
1 - Observe what kind of questions you are asking
yourself about your partner. This will become easy after
a little bit of practice. What I'm asking you to do is
pay attention to what you're saying to yourself inside
your mind. You see, you might be asking yourself things
wonder what she's thinking.
Does she really like me, or is
pretending to like me?
Why doesn't she return my calls all the time?
I wonder if she really wants to be with me.
Should I call her? I wonder why she's not home
hope she shows up for our date tonight... the list goes
on and on.
see, your brain is just a computer. Whatever question
you ask yourself, you will get an answer to. That's your
brain's job. If you were to ask yourself, "Why am I so
fat?" your brain would spit out a bunch of answers like:
Because you eat too much fast food. You are lazy
and you don't exercise.
Because you're a
loser and you eat too much junk
kind of answers wouldn't be very helpful; would they?
But what if you asked yourself a better question like,
"How can I lose 10
pounds?", then your brain
would start giving you answers to that question.
it doesn't stop there. How do you think we could modify
that question to get our brains to give us more potent
and powerful answers? Here are some examples: How can I lose 10 pounds within 6 weeks?
you're adding the element of a deadline to the question,
which will give you a completely different answer.) How can I lose 10 pounds within 2 months and really
have FUN doing it? (That's a great question, and you
will get a completely different answer, because your
brain will be looking for ways to lose weight that are
fun, and only give you those answers) What
can I do RIGHT NOW that will get me on the road to
losing 10 pounds and having fun? (Again, that's a
different question completely, because it not only mixes
in the element of time, but also tells your brain to
only give you answers that you can act on right now.)
I hope you're starting to see just how powerful your
brain really is. But remember, YOU are the one who's in
control of it, and the way you control it is by
controlling the questions that you ask yourself on a
regular basis. You see, you probably don't even realize
it yet, but you are ALWAYS asking and answering
questions in your mind. It's just that you are doing it
automatically, and you're not consciously aware of it.
It's kind of like driving a car. When you're first
learning, you have to consciously pay attention to
everything that you're doing. But the more you practice
driving, and the more competent you get, the more those
individual actions of driving (like checking the
mirrors, shifting gears, knowing how much pressure to
apply to the brakes) get put on your subconscious
what you want to happen here too, but first you've got
to change the questions that you're asking yourself
habitually when it comes to women and dating.
So letís try a fun exercise. To begin with,
letís pick a question that many guys ask themselves at
one point in their lives :
ďWhy canít I get those really hot women to be
interested in me?Ē
Well, if you ask yourself that question, youíre
going to get some really lousy answers, because the
brain is just a computer and itís job is to give you
all the reasons why you canít get laid.
yourself a huge favor, and start paying close attention
to the questions that you ask yourself when it comes to
women, dating, and relationships. You might not think that you ask
yourself questions like I mentioned above, and I can
answer that statement like this.
Have you ever had a
car that you REALLY wanted?
Maybe you even went out and bought it, who knows. But
when you thought about that car, itís like you could
actually feel yourself driving in it. It was so real to
you. And then something funny happened. As you went
through your day, you began to notice that very same car
saw it on the highway, in the malls, at your college,
wherever. Why? Because your mind was now conditioned to
pay attention to, and notice that car whenever you saw
one. The same thing applies to the questions that you
ask yourself. If you tell your brain to notice the
questions that you ask yourself around women, you WILL
start to notice them all.
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