We hear dozens of stories every week that a Japanese woman will have a steamy romance with a foreign man and then simply disappear without a word about her whereabouts. Why do they do it? Why can't they have a proper breakup? In some cases why do Japanese women breakup but also buy expensive designer gifts for their lovers at the time of breakup? These questions perplexed a lot of our members and we decided to investigate.

The first insight came from Yoko, a 25 year old Japanese women, studying in California. "It takes a long time for Japanese people to realize their feelings toward a foreigner compared to other Japanese due to language and cultural differences. I like to be just friends with a prospective boyfriend for the first few months until I get to know him enough. This is because I don't want to rush things with someone I like and I'm very cautious when it comes to relationships. We Japanese are very uncomfortable around non-Japanese and we are constantly worried that we will screw up. It takes even longer time for Japanese to have intimate relationship with someone, either Japanese or non-Japanese. But once it happens, we tend to keep the relationship for a long time. I know it seems strange for her but this is just the way Japanese are. Thus when we have to break up a relationship we just feel awfully guilty and do not know how to do it. No wonder, we think that the best way to handle the situation is to simply not go through the painful process."  (Related:  Breakup for the first time)

We spoke to other Japanese women. Noriko tells us that this sort of behavior is the biggest cause of heartaches for non-Japanese men who desire Japanese women. She continues, "All Japanese women are NOT the same; some are serious about relationships, others are just into the casual dating. That is why non Japanese men must be careful and take time getting to know the Japanese woman they are interested in to see where they stand in terms of relationships. You can't MAKE them fall in love with you, no matter how many times she may be willing to be intimate with you! This cannot be stressed enough. I think many Japanese women just disappear because it is "easier" that way, they can just go back to Japan. A gift is their way of saying goodbye."   (Related:  Brittany Murphy Joe Macaluso breakup)

Not all Japanese, especially the ones that have spent significant time overseas, try to end their relationships so abruptly.  Sarah, an American, fell in love with a Japanese exchange student, had a rather interesting end to her relationship.  While Ai, her Japanese boyfriend, told her that he would like to end their relationship rather casually while they were cuddled together in front of the TV, he more than made up for it when the time to say goodbye came.  As Sarah tells us, "When I went to see him one last time, he took me aside in his bedroom. He held me in his arms one last time and said, 'Sarah-san, even though we will be far apart, I will always love you'; and he kissed me."  Sarah and Ai are still friends through email/chat even though both are dating other people.  Sarah added, "Ai still remains a close friend and special to me. In his gentle (almost inherently Japanese) way, he showed me some guys could be gentlemen and helped me see what I truly want to do with my life:  be an English teacher in Nihon and work with their government.  Anything is possible! Keep an open mind with these relationships."

Our discussions lead us to conclude that many non-Japanese men get so enamored by the charms of Japanese men that they forget what is important in any relationship - common goals, compatible personalities, and commitment to the relationship. In many of these cases, either one of the partner is not in her/his native country and has to eventually leave unless there is a marriage. This acts as a double-edged sword. While it allows one to make a graceful exit it also encourages short-term relationships.

So what do the MYNIPPON experts suggest:

1. Be clear upfront about what you want from the relationship. If all you want is to have a fling, then do not fall in love, regardless of how good the fling turns out to be.

2. Be realistic. If either one of you has to leave the place where you met, beware of the fact that the time to separate will eventually come.

3. Talk about it so that the Japanese woman is not forced to behave in this manner. If you would like to have a serious long-term relationship or marriage then you should look in the right place so that you make sure that you run into the right kind of people, and talk about it and find out if she feels the same way. If not, just think of it as a great relationship and move on.

4. Japanese people are very cautious when it comes to saying harsh and unpleasant things.  They would rather not say such things than appearing to be sly and mean.  As long as you are aware of this, you should not give them an opportunity to be in such an uncomfortable situation.

Further reading:  Breaking up with minimum pain to all    Romance Guide for Japan  Healthy romantic relationship with a Japanese

Japanese girlfriend at American university campus       Right approach to dating Asians   Move to Japan     Japanese girlfriend

Secrets of Japanese women    Manage expectations in interracial romance     How I found my Japanese girlfriend?

How to get a Japanese girlfriend?     Marriages in Japan    Deborah Kemp's views on romance      Women dating Asian men

Seduction of Japanese women     One night stand with a Japanese woman    Romance gone wrong with a Japanese     

African American men and Japanese women    Declining marriage rate in Japan     Elegant way to break up

Relationships with Japanese women     Interracial relationship with a Japanese    How to decide to dump a partner?

Meeting Japanese women   Challenges of relationships with Japanese  A Japanese man finds relationship with an American woman

Experiences with Japanese women