I bought my husband a gift certificate for a full body massage with a Japanese lady, Kae, that does them here in our town.  I know that he was very stressed at his work and I just wanted him to relax a bit.  The name of the therapist was given to me by a Japanese acquaintance when I mentioned to him how stressed Randy had been lately.  When Randy returned after the massage, he said that he got "my" money's worth. Not only did he get the massage but she finished it off by giving him something more. For a while I wondered if this was a normal practice when getting a full body massage in Japan.  If so then, I would have been happy for my husband as he really enjoyed it. If not, maybe I needed to see if this lady was getting fresh with my Hubby.

As I struggled with these issues, I spoke to a few Japanese female friends of mine. I was just so embarrassed to mention it to my male Japanese acquaintance.  Since Japan is such a secretive society and my language is not the best, I had a hard time explaining what the issue was. After a while, I was able to finally figure out what the situation was.  She was a massage therapist but also a kind of what Japanese call a marriage counselor - someone who helps Japanese couples spice up their lives or bring back marital relationships to normal levels after a fight or separation. The more I heard of Kae from Randy the more intrigued I was about her and her relationship with my husband of 13 years. What was it that had made Randy so excited all the time that I just could not keep up with him - especially after leading rather dull lives for a while?

One day as I sat on the porch reflecting on my life, I realized how our life as a couple had changed since that fateful day.  Randy and I had a rather decent marriage but I would not call it as anything out of the ordinary. We loved each other and we spent a great deal of time together doing all kinds of things, and when we moved to Japan, we were spending even more time together. We also had a normal private life like most American couples.  I had been carefully watching Japanese society for a few months now and I was intrigued by Japanese women. I would meet many women who would often come to take lessons from Randy. When Randy encouraged me to start teaching English, I got to know some of them even more closely. Since they were now more likely to speak English, I realized that I could get a peek into their lives and know more than I could by watching them from outside. I would ask them to tell me about their personal lives and they were delighted to share tidbits about their daily lives in their broken English.  

What impressed me the most was their sense of style and grace in everything that they did. Femininity oozed out of everything that they did or said and while I was never interested in other women, the Japanese women were special. Like my husband, I was getting attracted to them - though I always liked to believe that I was not attracted to them. I was just drawn to these attractive women. It is through these women that I learned more about women like Kae - counselors who worked without advertising their services in an explicit manner. They primarily focus on bringing lives of couples back to normal by working closely with both partners.  (Related article:  How to keep your relationship hot and steamy forever?)

Since my curiosity was now at its peak, Randy and I decided to have Kae come in and give us both a massage in our home.  She said that her specialty was massages for couples.  I must admit that she was correct because she made me feel like no one ever has. I was not sure if this was wrong, but my husband and I both really enjoyed it and after she left, we had great time like we never had before. This was the first time I had a massage in my life and that too while my husband watched as Kae dressed only in a light cotton apron worked on my body, but being with Randy made me feel that I was not cheating in anyway and he was a witness to everything that I did.  Naturally, after that Kae would visit us once a week for our therapy session. In a truly Japanese fashion, while she did the most intimate acts with us, she also kept this detachment from us that only Japanese people can do.  She showed a level of affection to our bodies that even we did not show each other as a couple, but at many points she would simply treat us as clients. I admired her professionalism but at the same time I was fascinated by her.  (Related:  Thai foot masssage)

During one of our encounters with our "marriage counselor" things got pretty wild as we invited her to join us. I had never done this before and I must admit that I had the time of my life. She apparently was very experienced in those things.

As we think about that relationship after two years we are thankful to Kae for bringing such happiness to our marriage.  I would suggest that if you think you can not do it on your own, get some help.

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Couples in long marriages