he other day a Japanese gentleman actually wrote an email to us after reading comments from several non-Japanese people who continue to express their frustrations while in Japan or when interacting with the Japanese.  While we will keep the expletives out, he essentially said that the foreigners had no clue how the Japanese mind works.  He wrote, “Don’t you know about honne and tatemae?”  That set us thinking.  While we all claim to think that we know Japanese, Japanese culture, and Japanese people, it may very well be true that the Japanese people think otherwise.

Honne and tatemae

Any discussion about Japan is incomplete without referring to honne and tatemae.  Honne is what you really think or literally ‘the truth’ while tatemae means what you actually show or literally ‘facade.’  These two words pretty much define Japanese people’s behavior and it is so poorly understood by non-Japanese people that it is hard for even long-term Japanese residents to deal with it. 

For thousands of non-Japanese who have mastered the language (and as a result, probably developed a better understanding of the Japanese psyche), it is impossible even for them to confidently assert that they can fully comprehend honne and tatemae in action.  

Honne and tatemae are such an integral part of the Japanese social behavior that Japanese people do not even have to think about it.  Since the ultimate goal in Japan is to maintain wa or harmony at all points of time, opinions are never openly expressed, emotions are not shown, and public confrontations are rare.  Japanese people will rarely say things like, “hanging in there”, “can’t wait to get out of here”, “can’t wait for the weekend”, “don’t work too hard”, “it is painful’, or similar other expressions that are so common in the west to honestly say what you feel.  Interestingly enough, this attitude allows Japanese to sometimes enjoy things that the non-Japanese might actually hate. e.g. tough jobs.  

The conflict between honne and tatemae is handled very differently by the Japanese.  They are able to resolve the differences internally and not show off to the others what their true feelings are.  Thus, after working for 14 hours a day, when you are totally exhausted and all you want to do is to go home and collapse on the bed, a Japanese may still join his or her colleagues to go drinking in an izakaya and pretend to have a good time.  Since honne and tatemae are no secrets, all Japanese people know that people around them are actually putting up a show, but it seems that everyone just goes along playing the game anyway since it ensures that as long as harmony is maintained it is acceptable to engage in a certain type of behavior.

Ally experienced the simplest form of honne and tatemae when he had a brief conversation with Miho who was a guest at his home.  He asked Miho, "Are you ok?"  She said, "Yes, I'm fine." (tatemae).  He asked again, "Do you have a headache?"  She replied, "Yes, I do." (honne).  

Brian McGregor is familiar with the concept and his understanding comes from watching how the Japanese play baseball.  “In my understanding, the pitcher stays in the game almost all the way through, while in American baseball there could be three or four pitchers in one game. As a result, Japanese pitchers do not have as long a career as American pitchers do. This perhaps gives a good window into the Japanese use of honne and tatemae.  The group is more important than the individual; as such, the individual is expected to make sacrifices for the group. Knowing that the same expectation is on everyone else as well, one finds it a point of honor, both to self and other, to put on the mask of enjoyment. What is, is, and cannot be changed, accept this and move on with as much grace as possible”, he explains.

Honne and tatemae partly explain why Japan does not appear to be such a competitive society and teamwork seems to be an underlying theme in almost everything that they do.  When the situation is tough and challenging, instead of complaining or feeling overwhelmed, the Japanese can at least think that they do not have to suffer the pain alone and someone else is there to share it.  The society is there to help each and everyone.  McGregor continues, “It serves to bring one's focus unto something other than the hardship at hand. You can focus on the pain or focus on the task at hand. One will make the time seem to crawl, the other will move the pain to the back of your mind. Since everyone accepts that this is happening, it is not a "true" deception.”

Unfortunately the price of such actions is high. If a person cannot show his or her true feelings in public, then the inner world becomes the only place for the self.  Thus, the need to release tension and the need to maintain the mask. Unless a way is found to release this tension in sufficient amounts at regular intervals, one will inevitably break under the pressure. Such releases can be found in art, exercise, parties, food and drink, martial arts, diversions such as theme parks and movies, and play.  The relatively reserved and polite Japanese can be totally wild at time.  Look at the list below for commonly seen behavior which is more or less ignored and condoned by the society: