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What
questions will you ask your partner before marriage?
Always
get married for all the right reasons
Marriage
is supposedly a once-in-a-lifetime thing despite the fact
that 50% of our marriages fail. All the more reason to
ask the right questions to yourself and your partner so that
you don't marry for the wrong reasons. We have heard
so many times how painful a divorce is on everyone involved.
(Related:
Relationship with Muslim woman)
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Let's
look at Jerry's case, a 22-year old in New York City who fell in
love with an immigrant from Australia. He writes, "She's really the best girlfriend I ever had. I love her a lot and she loves me. Recently she found out from her immigration lawyer that she lost her
work visa. Now, she only has one more month and then she must go back to her native country. She asked me to get married to her but I told her I was not ready because I do not have a full time job right now. I really don't want her to go back either and would like to continue to be with her. I think I'm going to get married to her because I know she really loves me but I just wish things could be better for us in the future. I feel that I want to just be with her because she is very sincere with me and expresses herself to me in a truthful way. She's coming from the heart. I can tell and believe that she's not faking it. I know one year is not a long time although I feel like I have grown with her together and have made some plans with her and I really love to be with her. She understands the struggle that she and I might have to endure but we both are having an optimistic maybe
bohemian look at this whole picture right now. First of all, she already has a degree and job here now,
just no visa. If we get married the worst case scenario would be me having to look for work
immediately but this would just make me more determined to get work I think. Well, if I had a job now, I would
have already married her a while ago. She says that she loves me and wants to be with me. We talk a lot about our future and plans. It seems like these plans could be a reality if we get married. What do you think about
this?" (Related article: How
to sponsor your spouse for a green card?) |
You have essentially three scenarios:
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Marry her now because you know you are going to miss her and might not
be able to live without her. However, the question you need to ask
yourself - Am I marrying her for the right reason? Is it for love or
is to help out a desperate woman who badly needs a visa. If the answer is former, please go
ahead and send us the wedding photos (Wedding
beauty) - we will publish them on our
home page. If the answer is the latter, you might have a rough road ahead, though it seems that you do seem to have strong feelings for her; it's just that the timing is not right.
(Related article: Brad
Pitt and Jennifer Aniston divorce for the wrong reasons)
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You do not have a job and neither does she - the way the economy is going here, you and she might not
find jobs (or good jobs) for a long time.
You will get married, have a lousy
wedding, probably no
honeymoon, and then
face financial hardships. Unless the love is really deep, things
might get ugly - there could be unnecessary frustration and anger at each
other and who knows what the consequences could be. Do you think you both
are ready for such a scenario? Again, if yes, congratulations - you have
made the right choice. (Related:
From
boyfriend to husband)
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Let her go back to Australia - there are a lot of ways to stay in touch
these days. She can even find some work there so that she can visit you or even pay for your trip to visit her and learn more about her country. Hopefully,
you will find a job too in the meantime and then you can have a romantic
wedding and life will be beautiful - will you both miss each other? Will it
be hard to have a long distance
relationship? Of course! But if your love
is deep enough (as you say) then no damage will be done. You might have the best of everything.
No
decisions should be made in a hurry - and marriage is too important a
decision - so think about some of the things that we have raised. And if you
are still in doubt, it is better to take a deep breath and give yourself some time to think things over.
Once nothing works, then like
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, get a divorce.
Recommended links: Marriages
for green card Finding
the right life partner Strong
marriage advice
I
don't want to get married
Pamela Anderson Kid Rock wedding
Does she like me
How long to date before getting married
Second thoughts after proposal
I proposed too soon |
