can a woman help her man keep his self esteem high.......By Pierre Coda
A tough environment at work can sometimes hurt a relationship. That is why important for a couple to understand that there will be times when they have to be there for each other rather than take out their frustration on their partner. Being calm, patient, and understanding is key to keeping the relationship going through a difficult time.
When a man's self esteem goes down, her is very likely to
behave awkwardly. (Related article: Plastic
surgery raises self esteem and improves body image)
Let us take a look at Tanya who lives with her boyfriend Jeff in Chicago area. Since they live with his parents, things are a bit tough for them. Another problem is, as Tanya puts it, that Jeff is a smart mouth. Tanya writes, "Jeff has been very mean to me last
couple of months. He is having a really hard time at work. He's a brick mason, and he isn't getting to work very much because of the weather. I don't think that there's any other girl in his life. He stays at home when he's not working, and if he leaves the house I'm usually with him. He never uses the phone secretly. It's possible that my attitude has changed, but all I've ever done is try to be nice to him and his whole family. I wait on him hand and foot. If he needs something, I get it for him, without him asking me to. I help out with his family around the house, and with the cooking. I try to fix myself up at least 4 times a week. I wait on him at the bedroom door, just to give him a hug and a kiss when he gets home from work, as much as possible. I wore a dress and makeup yesterday, and when he came home he asked me where I was going all dressed up. And I was a smart mouth back, I said I have a date, and I smiled. Then he said, well be sure and take all of your stuff so you don't have to come back. I started crying because he said it so mean. But then he apologized and said that he was just kidding, and said that I looked very nice. I asked him why he was being so cold toward me lately, and he said that he wasn't mad at me, and he said that it wasn't anything to do with me. He said that it was work, and that he was bringing his problems home with him, and I asked him about the days that he don't work, and he said he has an attitude because he's not at work. So, I suppose that he did make an effort, but things still didn't feel the same. He did wake me up this morning before he went to work and told me that he loved me, and he gave me a kiss. He hasn't done that in two months. Is there anything else I can do to make things better?"
(Related article: What
is the purpose of life?)
Yes, I realize how complicated your situation is. In my opinion it is the stress/anxiety of work that is bothering him and it happens to a lot of men.
(Related article: How
to eliminate stress?) In case you have not realized, men tend to define their lives by work and if they do not succeed at work they feel low self-esteem and that can be a problem. I am also not sure if he is under financial pressure too, but that can make things worse.
(Related article: How
to live a spiritual life?)
||I also get the impression that you are doing the best you can. I would not suggest that you try any harder than this because your frustration will only go up if you do. However, first you have to ask yourself the question, how much do you want him and are you in this for the long run? Is this a guy that you want to marry?
If the answers to the questions above are YES, then you will simply need to be patient. Do not push him hard to pay a lot of attention to you since this might only irritate him (In my opinion, I would not be surprised if he thought in his mind last night that,
"Gee, while I have all these problems in my life and there she is all dressed up and ready to party - she really doesn't care for
me"). Keep the channels of communication open and be a good listener. At a time like this when he is short on patience, anything small might trigger a big reaction and he might just break off the relationship.
You need to play a supportive role so that his self esteem will come
I am hoping that times will get better and hopefully his problems will disappear. And
life will be back to normal.
Since the low self esteem is work related, as soon his professional
life improves, he should get his self esteem back.
I have not fully understood if you work but if you do please focus on it. If not, see if you can find something to do - a job or even part time work. If nothing, then consider some voluntary work just to keep yourself occupied and give you something to do/think about beyond your life with him.
If it still does not work, you might consider moving out for a while so that you can have a life of your own in the meantime. You can always get back to him if that is what you both feel is the best - in any case it would make sense to have a place of your own.
esteem issues for women
How I built my
be comfortable in my own skin