My first love
Here is what Cindy writes about the boy that she fell in love as a kid and still cannot get him out of her heart.
“When I was in third grade, I met a boy named Billy. We even lived on the same street. So of course we became best friends and I even developed a crush on him. Our third and fourth grade years were spent being best friends, doing everything together. But I was a tomboy at the time, still pretty much am. So I didn’t think he’d feel anything special for me if I told him that I loved him, so I never did. And problems came up too. He’d tell me about girls he liked, one being Madison, who ended up breaking his heart, and of course I was there to comfort him. And then there was the other girl, Marissa, who we walked to school with. He had a crush on her, but I don’t think he ever acted on it. And he knew her a lot longer than me.
Marissa started a conversation about crushes one day while we walked to school. She said something about liking a boy in her class and asked me if I had any crushes. I of course blushed and said I liked a boy named Jerry that was in my class, and was also in my class back in 1st grade. And I said I liked him because he was funny. Billy, who had been walking behind us, finally chimed in and said “but I’m funny too!” Boy, did my heart rush!
Anyways, due to his dad’s job, he’d be moving the beginning of our 5th grade year. For some reason, and I can’t explain it, we just started getting in fights over stupid things after that, but were still friends.
The evening before the move, we hugged and he went on home, and he mentioned he’d give me a call from his new house–which was just about 45 minutes away.
And I indeed got a call from him, although, it was short and he said he’d call me again on his mother’s cell phone so he could talk longer. Yet, I never got that call.
Here in the present day, I’m 17, due to be 18 in three month. I haven’t had any contact with him and my heart still beats for him. It’s kept me from getting any other boyfriend through the years. 17 and never had a relationship, it’s quite rare nowadays.
I’m just filled with so much regret. Why didn’t I get his new address, why not asked for his mother’s number? And this was back in 1998-99, no one our age really had an email account, no one ever seemed to.
So, am I just obsessive with a love that never was meant to be? I feel like reminiscing over this issue because yesterday I had a dream about him, it was so blissful. And he’s been in other dreams, some not so good and some just normal. What exactly is wrong with me?”
Comments on Cindy’s situation
Actually, nothing is wrong with you. We all have very special emotions for our first love – even after decades we remember our first love because that is our very first exposure to a powerful emotion – so many of us end marrying our highschool sweethearts. And this guy is your first love. Therefore, it is natural to feel that way about him.
What can you do to find your lost love?
I am sure that since you know his last name, you can try a search on Google. People have MySpace or FaceBook pages and sometimes you can find them that way. You can also see if you remember the names of any of your mutual friends. Try to find them the same way. I think if you tried to find, you might get lucky and be able to track at least someone down. Your school may also have some information, and if possible, you can stop by to find out if they have any information on past students. You do not have to disclose the reason for your efforts – just say that you are trying to bring together all the old friends from school.
What to do if you do find your old flame? Well, you have to be prepared for one tragic scenario – he may be in a serious relationship with someone else and has no feelings for you whatsoever except as a former classmate. Nothing will break your heart more than this, though, once you find that out, it may be easier for you to move on. A possibility is that he may still be single, though, not for the same reason as you. Maybe he would like to have a relationship with you, maybe not. People change over time and what seemed like a very strong attraction at that time maybe totally gone by now. As long as you are prepared to face some of the unpleasant possibilities and willing to take the risk for a possible big reward, I would say do it. For all we know, he might also be thinking like you and wondering the same about you. You never know. So get on the web now and close this chapter once and for all so that you can move on with or without him.
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