Greta is a 45-year old woman in a troubled marriage. “I am now attracted to a much younger guy – he is half my age. I want to explore my attraction since it’s been a while since I have even been attracted to another man (other than my husband). He is very respectful and a little shy; so am I (shy). How do I let him know it is OK or that I am interested without getting embarrassed? And how would I know if he is or is not interested? Just as a little background — I am a physiotherapy assistant and I am helping him these days. We walk together thrice a week at a local park. I catch him staring at me a lot. We talk about other stuff than work, but so far it has all been very professional from my side.”
The good news is that you don’t have to work too hard to find time to meet him and spend lots of time together – it is not easy for a married woman to be able to do that.
This is what I would suggest. Ask him to go for a walk with you and be as professional as you normally are. Find out other things about him in case you don’t already know when you take a break. You can always suggest a nice, healthy smoothie or fruit juice after the run.
What you want to get at is his passion. Let us say it is movies or eating out or cooking or museums. Now very casually suggest an associated activity. For instance, if you find out that he likes Japanese painting, then suggest that you go together to a local museum since you have been so curious about it. In other words, you will score a “date” with him (to find out if he is equally interested or if you can make him interested) but without calling it a date. If you find out that the guy is in a serious relationship or doesn’t care about a married 45-year old (it is often a young man‘s fantasy, though), then you can simply move on, continue to work with him, and nothing embarrassing would have ever happened. However, if you do find out that he is inclined to explore something with you, you can take it to the next step. There are a lot of women in their 40s dating 20-year olds.