How to have variety in sex?
Courtney is happily married to a man who is wonderful in most ways but is less adventurous in the bedroom. “Sex is GREAT and we have it at least once a week, and I am VERY satisfied and have multiple orgasms. Nor would I say that he or I am reluctant to try new things, if anything we are both not sure how to approach the other fully on the subject matter. I agree that stress and other daily life issues can make one have a lack of interest, however, I feel I need to know how to approach him in the right way to get the type of response that I am wanting. I guess how do you mix things up and bring up new ideas with out offending your partner or making them (as I think I have already done) think that they do not satisfy your needs?” she asks.
What I have learned over the years talking to hundreds of couples is that men like to be the hunters. They want to own even the ideas and want to believe that they are the ones who came up with something new in the first place. That is why if you want something, it might be much better to let him feel as if he wants it or came up with it, not you.
The other trick is to suggest rather than ask or demand. For instance, if you are watching a movie together and see a certain position, it is much better to suggest something like “Hey, that seems like a fun way to do it. Maybe we should try it some time!”
Men are very conscious about their performance in bed and any thought in their head that somehow they are not good enough or their partner is not satisfied gives them all sorts of wrong ideas. So what you want to avoid is making him feel incapable or underperforming.
It takes a lot of excellent communication skills and trust for a couple to be able to talk about things that you are not sure your partner is comfortable with since you don’t want to be judged. So it is very important to first understand what his comfort level is and how open he is to something and then suggest it.
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