How to approach the man I like?
Caroline writes, “I am a very shy person and the other day I met this most amazing, handsome man. He paid me a lot of attention to me at a party and hinted that he wanted to go out with me. Since I am so uncomfortable around men and did not know what to say, I just kept smiling. After a while, he left me alone, and I think that he guessed that I was not interested in him. I think if I go on like this I will lose every person that I like and I will end up with the people who I don’t like! I don’t know what is wrong with me that I can’t say the right words in the right place or react correctly to what other people do. When am I going to learn? It’s really hard! I keep thinking what am I doing! Is this right? I have to learn someday! Please help.”
What can a shy woman do?
I get an impression that you have this wrong idea that men should do all the work and you will simply sit and hope that things will magically happen for you. At least that is not how men like women to be. Yes, men will do a lot of the initial work but men also like women to do some of the work — for instance, you should have shown equal interest in him and seconded the proposal to have a drink with him. Plus, since gentlemen do not like to harass women, if a woman does not respond positively, they quickly back off.
So if you end up in a similar situation in the future – this is what you have to do. Don’t be intimidated that someone likes you. When a man likes a woman, he will try to tell her so indirectly by paying more attention to her. And when he says that wants to have a drink with you, it means that he wants to go out on a date with you. The right response that you could have given is “Oh, yes, that will be great. Why don’t you give me your number and I will call you.” I like this technique because as a woman if you really liked the guy, you can call him a few days later and say, “Hey, I enjoyed meeting you that day. Now when you have some time, give me a call, and here is my phone number. We can do something together.”
If you don’t like the guy, then you can simply throw his number in the garbage and forget about it.
Sometimes some men will ask for your number and the way they ask and depending on the situation (you can still politely refuse if you are simply not interested), it is OK to give it – many men don’t even call but that is the way to do it. Some will call and you go out and have a drink with them or eat a meal. If things go well, you can meet again and start a relationship. Otherwise, you can just say later that “Thanks for the drink but I have met someone else.” Most people understand and will never bother you again.
Can Caroline approach the man that she likes?
Now regarding this guy that you met – I think your host can get his phone number for you and it is perfectly fine to call him. All it takes is “Hey, I enjoyed talking to you the other day. I am sorry that I forgot to give you my phone number – that was impolite. Why don’t you call me when you get a chance and maybe we have a drink?” And that’s it. He will do the rest.
Men and women are meant to be together – there is nothing unethical about a single man and woman to approach each other. Plus, all you are doing is suggesting that you are interested in this man – it is a long way from here still.
What he will think?
He will be happy and will be thankful that you did approach him because he must be feeling so rejected after you treated him bad that day. He paid all this attention to you and you simply ignored him.
You still have to find out more about him to decide if you want to have a relationship with this man but that is why you want to meet him – to see what he is like, what does he want from you, does he really care about you or is he just a chick magnet. Meeting him a few times will allow you to answer these questions.
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