Lolita and other complexes in Japan
If you want to have a relationship with a Japanese, apart from honne tatemae or renai seiai, there are other things that you have to consider.
Oedipus Complex is well alive into adulthood with some modifications. For instance, Japanese women report that they tend to like men that remind them of their father or brother. It could also be attributed to the fact that a typical Japanese salaryman is almost never around for his children so he is some kind of a mysterious figure for them; hence the fascination.
As one woman told me, “It is difficult for me to explain my feeling, but I think family relationship and romantic relationship between men and women is related closely in Japan. If I found that a man smokes the same cigarette brand as my father, I tend to feel like approaching the man because I feel a connection with him even though I do not smoke. If a boy has same taste in music as my brother, I tend to trust him easily too. It might be seen as a very simple way of thinking. I know it, but I cannot change it. I do not know how to trust men in other way. That is why you might have heard that many Japanese couples after a few years of marriage live like brother and sister. They are friendly to each other but they almost never sleep together.”
What about Japanese men?
They too have similar opinions but they have, what the Japanese call as, either the Lolita complex or Mother complex.
Those men that tend to gravitate towards the Lolita Complex and like very young girls and keep chasing them even as they get older. That explains enjo kosai in Japan and the sex tours by Japanese to poor Asian countries. Obviously, a Japanese woman does not like such a man because he will never commit to her — he is likely to be with her only as long as he cannot find another younger woman.
Other men tend to have the Mother Complex in which they look at their romantic partner as someone who will “mother” them because his mother has tended to his every need. Women prefer such men because the relationship gets better over time.
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