Jenny writes, “I don’t get enough sex from my husband. Most of my girlfriends complain about their husbands wanting too much. I complain about the opposite. My husbandâ€™s natural desire is once a month; if it happens more often, it is because I took the initiative. If you were to ask him he would say: Oh, there is no time and sometimes she does not want to. The truth is that since about 6 years ago (close to the time we had children) and after not being satisfied with my sex life, I changed my rules and I wanted more quality. We used to make love because I wanted and he was OK with it. Now we both have to want. And don’t take me wrong. I am not like some of my complicated girlfriends who want one hour head massage and a whole hour of attention. I just want a little lie, a word, and a touch. So, my method worked. In general our sex quality improved and I enjoy it better (although it is almost always in the same position, me on top since he can’t move much because his back hurts, although he is a very healthy athletic man). If I have to be sincere, it is not enough; I am not even 40 yet. I invite my husband to dance or talk to me (this is another easy way to connect with me) but he prefers to read. I love reading too. My life is like Vanilla. I love vanilla, it smells good, but is always the same soft flavor. How about hot pepper or dark chocolate once in a while? My husband will never provide the other flavors. I don’t let this thought make me unhappy; there are many other ways to be happy (we go camping, we travel, we eat well). But when I have a man waving at me a lime flavor and hot spice, I want to take it. Or should I hide so that I don’t have to know that is there? If I do, I am afraid I’ll become fat, ugly and grumpy. THEN WHAT CAN I DO? Or HOW TO MANAGE IT??” (Related: Men with low libido)
I am glad that you took the initiative to improve your sex life. It is not uncommon for couples to have less sex after kids are born – what happens as a result of pregnancy, childbirth and raising of children simply extends into the future and couples have little or no sex. Maybe you could work to improve it a bit more.
I understand your dilemma but so is everyone else’s dilemma. My wife is not everything that I want her to be and I am not the perfect husband that she wants. In some ways we compensate for these things by changing our lives. On some occasions it is just frustrating, but that is what married life is all about.
I think what you need to do is not to have a full-fledged extramarital affair because it is way too complicated, the guy might get too emotional, may want to meet when it is not possible, and may some day fall in love with you and insist that you leave him and marry him. I think that is just not right.
I think what might fulfill you as a person is to have a “friend” who is what your husband is not. You don’t want to have an affair with him – you want an emotional connection. You will realize that once you have that, physical intimacy is no longer even relevant (I hear that sex toys can almost always make a woman orgasm). By the way, orgasms happen in the brain, not the sex organs. So if you are mentally in a world of fulfillment, you will still feel full of life and will always be that warm, adventurous, and passionate Latina.