My boyfriend is abusing me
Tiffany writes, “I have been with my boyfriend off and on for about 4 years now. I love him so much but he never shows me affection or shows me that he loves me unless he wants sex. I feel like I am only good for one thing in this relationship and I keep coming back because he is my first love. I want him to change. I always tell everyone that he is going to change someday but every day, every year he always disappoints me. On Valentine’s day I bought him some nice gifts that he would have liked and he got mad at me because he didn’t want to get me anything. He never once wanted to celebrate Valentine’s Day. He is so apathetic towards me and he would much rather sleep or go party with his friends rather than spend one day of the week with me. I am sick right now with a really bad lung infection and he doesn’t care even though I am in the hospital 2 – 3 times a week. Nope, he actually gets mad if I need him to take me. How do I end this before it kills me? I can’t handle being with someone who doesn’t even show me that he cares. He is too selfish and only thinks of himself. I just can’t handle it anymore. What should I do?”
You are in a codependent relationship and while ending this relationship immediately is the right thing to do, you will also need to work on your personal issues to become assertive, self-dependent, and have high self-esteem. If you are in love with a man that treats you like dirt, you obviously have issues that you need to confront. I am not going to waste my time telling how bad this man is (and he is) but I would rather suggest that you stop living in this fantasy that somehow your selfless love will magically transform this man.
If you work on building your self esteem and recognize that you deserve better than that, you will realize that better quality men will be interested in you and would want to treat you with respect. If you let yourself be abused that is what others will do.
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