What to do the first time we are together alone?
Peter has been pursuing a married woman for a rendezvous for a long time and he feels that the time may have come for them to be together. “What to say or tell her about how I feel about her? I don’t want to say something stupid and look like I’m after something, if you know what I mean. I do not want to mess things up but would be delighted to make love to her.”
Yes, I totally understand, and based on my advice to literally hundreds of people (yes, I answer all questions — please write to me if you want to share a story or ask a question), there is no one good answer. Both of us cannot imagine how the actual situation will play out.
That is why rather than going by how or what to say or do, I like to follow a few basic principles:
- Let her be in the driver’s seat. In other words, if she comes on to you, I think it is OK to take it from there, but still not go too far. For instance, if she kisses you on the lips, it is OK to have a long deep kiss and maybe even a few on the forehead or eyes or neck. Watch for her response. If she is cooperative and is responsive, it might be OK to go further like touching her body. However, if you realize that none of this is happening, it is good to stop and take a deep breath. Good things take time. It is not easy for a married woman to just go all the way the very first time. She will struggle a lot with her emotions even if she has imagined this in her mind a million times.
- Always stop and back off if you realize that you may have gone too far. What I am warning you about is that if she simply kisses you, it is not a signal for you to go all the way that very moment. However, if she is responsive and starts to undress on her own or starts pulling at your clothes or gives other signals that she has become hot enough, you know that she wants to go farther and make love.
- Personally, I like to make a woman wait too. Just because guys are always desperate, it does not mean that we should simply give ourselves away the very first time. A woman appreciates a man who can exercise self-control.
- If in doubt, simply ask. Personally, I will simply ask straightforward, “Hey, let me get this straight. Do you want to make love to me?” That way you will have her permission.
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