Indian boyfriend
Relationship with someone different is often a challenge, whether it is different race, culture, ethnicity, religion, national origin, age, or whatever else. Obviously, a couple needs to deal with their challenges on a case-by-case basis.
In a previous article on marrying an Indian man, I had suggested how an American woman could Americanize her husband since that is what she wanted. Many couples prefer this option. Not surprisingly, that is not how other Americans feel. One of my readers recently wrote to say she actually would like her Indian boyfriend to be who he is rather than changing in any way. That is fine too. There is no wrong or right or bad or good approach. As long as a couple is happy with each other, that is what matters. The same applies to raising children born out of this wedlock.
Here is the email from my reader, which provides another perspective for an interracial relationship.
“I was a little offended by your article. I am an American woman who is in a serious relationship with an Indian man. But it was a little shocking that your entire article focused on making him more American or improving his English, etc. The only things you mentioned about the woman adapting to Indian culture had to do with TV and movies and you even mentioned we are not sure if you can stand Bollywood. I happen to love Indian cinema much more than English cinema! And if you are living in America and immersed in that culture, the Indian man is going to get an understanding of American culture immediately; however, the woman has no idea about Indian culture! She should be the one to be understanding his culture since he is the one who is dealing with being away from home and away from his culture in the first place! Beyond that, it should be only give and take. Indians are very cultured people and there are some parts of their culture that you will never see them get rid of, and some parts of their culture they probably hate depending on their age. Regardless, I just thought it was really bad advice to only really concentrate on making him more Americanized. What if he doesn’t want to be Americanized? Does that mean he is not suitable to be with an American? Should she become more Indianized? Otherwise is she not suitable for him? If someone were to ask me what I would do in this situation I would draw from my own experience and encourage both to embrace each other for exactly who they are. One of the beautiful things about interracial relationships is the ability to have an extra element that you must learn and understand. Relationships with your own kind pass through that interesting phase faster because there is not as much to discover. I would say if any American really loves an Indian for who they are they are going to grow to understand their culture. You must understand that the immigrant living in this country is overwhelmed with American culture and rarely is anyone interested in who they are. If it were the reverse and she were living in India, I would say the opposite to him. But anyway, this is what has worked in my situation.”
Before I conclude, let me also share my thoughts on some of the very important questions raised.
What if he doesn’t want to be Americanized? It is a question that the other partner has to deal with. If she is comfortable with her Indian partner refusing or disinclined to be “Americanized,” I do not see a problem with that.
Does that mean he is not suitable to be with an American? Not necessarily. As I said above, if the woman is comfortable with that, there is no issue.
Should she become more Indianized? This is something that a couple needs to deal with together. Recently I heard from another American woman who is happily married (and has three children) to an Indian man but has never gone to India and has no desire to do so. Both she and her husband are convinced that India is not worth the trouble.
Those of you who watched the movie “The Namesake” may recall that when Maxine (Jacinda Barrett), an American woman, falls in love with Gogol (Kal Penn), an American-Indian whose parents were very traditional, neither of them attempted or expected any change in each other. As Gogol struggled with his identity, heritage, and what he wanted out of a relationship, he dumped Maxine and married an “Indian” woman, though he still not find marital bliss.
I have found that when one partner forces another completely renounce one’s culture or change religions, problems happen. However, if the decision is a join one and the changes done willingly, the outcome is generally richer.
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