Most of the time we are being ourselves and that is good – it is not easy being someone else. It does not mean, though, that we should not try to change our behavior, particularly if it is not the best one. While your behavior has a huge role to play in how you do at work, it can also have a huge impact in another important part of life – relationships.
Let us take the case of 19-year old Lisa, who thinks that she is attractive, cheerful, stylish, and friendly, but still has never had a boyfriend. She writes, “Maybe I act a little too hyper all the time? I don’t know. And I’m a Christian, if that could be an issue with some guys. But, my theory why guys want no relationship with me is that I’m kind of an A-cup. You know, I’m kind of small up there. But, I don’t know if that has anything to do with it, but it might. And I have a really loud laugh. Am I not good enough for the jock kind of people, because I don’t do any sports or anything like that? But I’m really smart….I don’t get it. What can I do to attract men to me to have a relationship with me?”
While I simply do not find anything wrong with you per se, I think that there are things that you can change about you. Clearly who you are is not working for you today and hopefully with some changes, you might see different results. There is a caveat, though. At the age of 19, it is hard to say that you have been a total failure – I think that you just have not met your match and you have a long life ahead of you to find the right one.
So there are two things you will need to do. First, give yourself more time. And two, expand your network of friends – that will give you access to more men. Seek people more like you – there is some truth to the adage that opposites attract but generally speaking smart people like other smarties; creative types like others who are into arts; and so on. So if you are academically bright, forget the sporty types – you are made for guys into science, creative stuff, literature, etc.
Regarding being hyper or laughing too loud, well, some men can get a little intimidated by that sort of behavior but that is you – see if you can work on it, though. Many men can be a little scared of women who act like them. You do not have to become a docile, brainless creature, but if you can be more feminine, you will definitely draw more men to you.
Finally, I am not convinced that your cup size has much to do with it. Our research shows that, yes, some guys might obsess over it or busty women may have a slight edge in attracting men, but in the long run, when it comes to having a real relationship, it is not an issue.