How can I move on after dumping my married boyfriend?
Claire was dating a married colleague the affair lasted for 7 years but the man refused to ever leave his wife. She was, however, deeply in love with him and would not end the relationship despite knowing that they did not have a future together. Eventually she decided to end it and wanted to move on. She writes, “He was OK with stopping this mess, but now he is giving me the cold shoulder, and is being so standoffish. I will take his cold shoulder as an opportunity to move on. I don’t understand why we just can’t be friends without the sexual part, but if that makes him upset then let it be. He has said that he will never divorce and he is getting in my way of finding someone who can give me what I deserve, so why the cold shoulder? You were correct when you said the relationship was filling a void, and that void is my loneliness, because I am painfully lonely. That said, I am moving on; it is clear that him and I won’t even be friends and that saddens me, but this too shall pass. I don’t have any friends to share my pain so it’s all self contained. I can’t even concentrate at work, and to make things worse I work with this man. I don’t know how I got in this mess.”
In my experience and hearing from dozens of people, friendships with exes simply does not work. It needs a very high level of maturity (which sadly many men do not have) to be able to turn a romantic relationship into a platonic one. Plus, remember that it maybe painful for him to end it too and by completely shutting himself from you, he is hoping that he can also move on.
I like your attitude that his cold shoulder will make it easier for you to move on. I also feel that once you cut that romantic tie with him, you can go find someone else. Opportunities that you ignored in the past will become more obvious to you now.
So take a deep breath and write down an action plan on what to do next. Maybe reconnect with a few girlfriends. Buy some new outfits. Invite a few people to entertain and hopefully that will trigger some invitations for you and that will result in your meeting some new people. That is how most people meet someone they fall in love with.
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