Ashley writes, “I am struggling to decide whether I should pursue my relationship with my younger partner or just let it go. He is 6 years younger than me (just 21). We were planning on moving in together. I still very much want this to happen. I feel ready for a lot with him. At the same time I’m scared that if I take this step I’m just setting myself up for a disaster. I love this man, I know he loves me too but I’m just not sold on the idea that he won’t ever leave me for someone younger. He tries his best to reassure me that he is with me for life and sometimes I believe him; it’s just that I have seen situations like this get very messy. He has a good job and so do I. I know that he will take care of me and my son but I feel he is just not ready to take on the responsibility of becoming a step dad to my son. I don’t want to put him in a situation where he feels trapped. I just need to feel secure in my decision to make a life with him.”
Fears are not good
First of all, it is not good to live in fear. I mean we are all going to die some day but does that mean we should worry about it now. There are other tragedies in life (job loss, accidents, deaths in the family, etc.) that are very likely to happen to us but should we stop doing things now because of that? No. Right now you have to take him at his word and hope that everything will be just fine. There is no way that you can trust a man your age or older that he won’t leave you or leave you for a younger woman. There are simply no guarantees in relationships considering that half of marriages end up in divorce and probably a quarter of the couples live in miserable marriages but just cannot divorce for some reason.
Becoming a step dad
Regarding his being a step-dad, well, stop thinking of him as a kid. You guys are just 6 years apart so you are not that old and he is not that young. Even older men have to learn to be responsible dads and good role models for their kids and he will rise to the challenge.
Risks are part of life
Life is about taking risks each and every moment. When you get up each morning, you take a series of risks each moment. Remember, terrible things happen to feel when they fall down the steps or slip in a shower or make a wrong lane change while driving or saying something stupid to your boss. Do not try to be so risk-averse. You will be immobilized if you over-analyze things like this.