Deanna writes, “My 43-year old live-in boyfriend did not really have a real job, was not looking for one, and had no money. Since he was otherwise a nice guy, I paid for everything. Recently I got fed up with him and threw him out. I now miss him and am having second thoughts about what I did. Do you really think he was a loser – somehow I feel bad how I treated him and what I said to him. Not that it matters, because it’s done and over. But aren’t you supposed to always help and support your mate especially in bad times?”
I think the word loser has such a negative connotation that I choose it sparingly, but harsh as it seems, this man was one. The part about not seriously looking for work turns me off. Due to my busy schedule, I often hire people to help me blow the leaves or paint a room or do odd jobs around the house. None of these men are professionals; they are just regular folks happy to work and make some extra money. I respect those men for their ethics and the value of hard work in their lives. I think despite the huge unemployment, if you look hard enough, there is something to do. These are not jobs in the sense of being full time, but they are better than relaxing at home playing video games.
Indeed, the right thing to do is to help a partner during difficult times but if that is someone’s way of life, that is what distinguishes a loser from someone who has lost a job and is actively looking for one (he may have difficulty finding one but these men are focused on being independent eventually). I mean if you are a man in your 40s and you don’t have money for even the basics, what can be more embarrassing than that. Even teens do better than that.