Caroline writes, “I got in touch with and old classmate of mine through Facebook. We have been emailing one another for about 2 months now. He told me he was married and that he stays in the dog house with his wife. I saw him about 3 weeks ago when he flew in to my town for his aunt’s funeral without his wife. I kissed him but it did not go any further. Now he is emailing me about wanting to hook up this weekend, and what he is going to do to my body and how he wants to do me. What am I supposed to do? He knows I have a man though I am not married and my boyfriend is always traveling. What do I do? I am sincerely lost and confused.”
You are not the first one to hook up with an old friend through Facebook. I am hearing from many of my fans who are exploring all kinds of relationships with long lost friends and ex-lovers.
The way this old friend is telling his story and talking about hooking up tells me that that is all he wants is sex. Living in the dog house with his wife (and being that way for the sake of kids or for religious reasons) is a married man‘s time tested excuse that enables him to cheat with other women (who often give him sex out of sympathy and pity) and he is using it and you have fallen for it. This excuse is so overused that I do not trust any man who says this even if it were true.
In order to decide what you want to do you have to ask yourself what kind of relationship are you looking for. Try to answer the following questions:
- Will you not feel guilty later?
- How would your boyfriend react if he does find out?
- Why do you want to have sex with another man? Is it because you are sexually not happy or is it that you want to explore sex with other men before you get married?
- Did you always have a crush on him when in high school and this is your chance to fulfill that dream?
If you are in a committed relationship with your boyfriend and want to take it to the next level, then it may not be right to have sex with another man. Having said that, I think if it is just a one-night stand kind of thing and you are morally OK with it and careful to hide it, you can get away with it, but make sure that your boyfriend does not suspect anything. Based on hundreds of emails that I have received, women end up getting attached emotionally after such rendezvous and end up breaking their hearts (relationships with married men are more trouble than it initially seems). Based on his behavior, it does not seem that he is looking for a long-term relationship with you so as long as you keep it as a night of casual fun, go ahead and do it.