My younger boy friend is embarrassed of me
Tania writes, “I am a woman in my sixties who looks very young and could pass for someone in her 40s easily. I met a man 27 years younger by chance at a party and he fell in love with me. It was basically love at first sight. We have been seeing each other for 4 months now. I went through a period of 3 months of feeling confused and he would always tell to me not to worry about our age. Gradually I became comfortable with him and my age. We dressed up and went out on our first dinner date in our small town. I looked extremely young and sexy. We went in and I was feeling proud and very happy. To my surprise my lover freaked out and had a change of mind and didn’t want to be in the restaurant a moment longer than he had to. I found out later that he saw a few people that he knows and became embarrassed to be out with me thinking that everyone would know my age. I asked him to take me home and to please leave. I spent the next day talking to him on the phone and I decided it was the beginning of the end because I could not be with anyone that felt shame. I did not want to stop seeing him because I love him; so I suggested a breakup over a period of time to minimize the pain. He agreed and that is what we were doing but in doing so we both realized that we had fallen in love even more with each. Now what do we do? He has talked to friends that are his age and that was a huge mistake. So now we want to be together and we don’t know how to get a handle on our situation. He asks me what do we do now, he thinks we can’t make plans for the future. We love each other and we are very compatible and we both know that this will not last forever because of my age. We or he needs advice and he does not know where to go. Can you offer some advice on where we can go from here?”
How to be proud of dating an older woman?
What is happening in your case is not unusual. An age difference like this one, and that too in in a small town, unlike New York or London or Paris, can raise eyebrows. Having said that, he has to realize that he should have thought of this before.
My understanding is that love gives a person strength to take on the world. If one lacks that strength, then this person is not in love. Maybe there was something else going on in his life or he liked something about you, but then he really did not fall in love. I am also a little disappointed that his first reaction was to say that you two cannot make plans together just because you are in your sixties. If you will live, say, for another 20-30 years, that is what may happen to even a 20 year old who could die in an accident or an illness. We cannot live under fear of death and make no plans for the future because it can come any time.
Assuming that his love for you is genuine and you two really want to be together, ask him to draw upon his strengths to be proud of his choice of the woman and his decision. There is no reason to be apologetic or defensive; when a person A chooses B, there is no reason whatsoever for their attraction. It is a chemistry that only a couple can feel. Yes, some people will ridicule him or even criticize him but in the end when they see how proud he is of his choice in life, they will respect him and accept you as a couple.
Is there any way that you two can live in a city like New York or Los Angeles? Or how about Barcelona in Spain? Or Amsterdam or Paris? These are lovely cities for anyone who does not fit in the rest of the world.
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