I love a married Filipina



Sachin writes, “I am 31 year old male in India and three years ago I fell in love with a 39 year old Filipina when we met online. We both felt a kind of completeness in our relationship but she was always telling, she is not worthy, she is a sinner and so I have to search for some other woman. My love for her was genuine but after a silence of several months she sent me an email mentioning that she is with her husband. I was devastated because she was telling me that she was single. When I confronted her she told me that she is married but not living with her husband. I became suicidal and within 5 months I lost control over my life. After we spoke in detail I found that she was lying to make me search another young woman so that I could move on with my life and not waste it on her. What I feel is that she loved me but felt she was old and not worthy for me. Since she is a Filipina, a divorce is not possible. If a married woman (even if the marriage is over for all practical purposes) wants to marry someone else, it is a crime and that person can be jailed for 6 years. I want to make her feel worthy and happy. What do I have to do? She seems to be living a miserable life in which no one loves her but the Catholic Church would not let her divorce and move on with her life.”

People lie all the time and they do so even more when they are having fun like this online. When they have to face the truth, they often confess or come up with an excuse for their lies. So first of all you have to make sure that this not some kind of a fraud from a woman who may be lying about everything.

Assuming that she is telling the truth, her option is what is called an annulment, that is not easy but possible. She will need to work with a good attorney to make this happen. Another option for her will be to leave The Philippines and move to India, so that you two can get married and build a new life together. I would guess that you should be able to sponsor your wife for a permanent resident visa and eventually an Indian passport. It is highly likely that she may never be able to visit her home country again (if they declare her a criminal she may be arrested at the airport; the Catholic Church does a very good job or making lives of Catholics miserable) but her family can visit her in India.

To get started, you have to speak to her to demonstrate how serious you are about her and how you plan to marry her and get her out of the messy life that she lives right now. Then both of you have to consult attorneys in order to get this legally right. Yours is a complicated case and will require good legal counsel.

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