Should I go back to my ex husband if I don’t love him anymore?
Jenny writes, “My husband and I have been separated for five months now, but I am just now realizing that I am a very codependent person. I left because he was an alcoholic but has now quit drinking and joined an Alcoholics Anonymous group. He wants me to come back home. Can I get over codependency while living with someone I’m not even sure I love anymore?”
It seems that you left your husband for two reasons: his alcohol addiction and your lack of love for him. Were the two related? Probably. It is hard to love a man whose first love is alcohol and cannot respond in a meaningful way to a conversation and romance. Thus, it is clear that your feelings would have been different had this man not been an alcoholic.
If you had not said that you had codependency issues, I would have encouraged you to go back to him to see if he is a changed man and you could save your marriage.
I would not be surprised that the reason you want to go back is because you are so used to being with him and cannot imagine your life without him. That is not a great quality and will hurt you not only in this relationship but a new one too, and possible, other aspects of your life like friendships and job.
If you are codependent, then, you need to work on it, with the help of an expert, if necessary. Once you feel more independent, there will be plenty of time to decide if you want to go back to your husband. If not, you will have the confidence on your own to build a new life without him or for that matter anyone. You can then pick men for what they do best in your life but not for making you who you are.
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