Communication problem in long distance relationship
Recently a reader of mine wrote to me sharing his frustrations with his long distance girlfriend and how communication between the couple has completely broken down. I thought it would be good to share the content so that others in similar situations can appreciate that they are not alone.
“I guess I gave her my all and was more than willing to give her anything she needed. I was quite happy to give her space to get well. I don’t even know if she truly is unwell or felt that because she often had been. What amazes me most in all of it was that 2 weeks ago I got 4 emails all confessing her love, the things we can do, how she missed me so deeply. She’d wanted to plan everything out for our vacation together. Then we have one stupid argument over nothing and it all comes to this.
How can anyone keep saying they love you as many times as she has and does? If she has somebody else or interest in moving on, after all the years we’ve worked at this. And considering how faithful to Christ she tells me she is, then it surprises me of her lack of honesty. I even expressly told her in my email, that if it was over and she had finished I would accept this but to let me know.
As for being needy or desperate to be with her. We’re thousands of miles apart, and she was the one who kept telling me how she wanted us to be together all the time. I feel like I’ve been emotionally led on up the garden path. I was just tired of being away from her and missing her so much, and maybe too emotional for a guy.
I know I have made mistakes, I willingly admit this. But I made every effort to trust and believe her. I can only assume she doesn’t give a damn about me, my life, or anything but herself.
If she has or is ending it, and if she is as Christian as she professes, then I am sure it won’t be too hard to do for her. I just cannot believe after all the promises and things she said, that one disagreement, which she knows was really over nothing, is enough for her to walk away.
Why did she even bother to ask me to go for 9 weeks to be with her? Tell me she didn’t want me to leave, but for us to stay together and all she did. I always thought loving somebody was about telling the truth? Good or bad, for better or for worse. I was always willing to stick by her. And yes, I was desperately seeking ways for us to “BE” together, as she kept saying she only desired for us to be together. She herself has been just as needy to me.
At least I won’t feel half so angry and lied to if she just tells me the truth. I had given absolutely everything to her and this, everything, and was so willing to do anything she asked, so she knew I was committed.
Why did she bother chasing me for a year, made me fly over across the pond three times and all of it and the work and progress we’d made if she had no intention? I feel cheated in some ways. She must be either deeply confused, very ill or mentally have big problems. And I wonder if her counselor made me out to be the villain. It angers me that in her counselor’s office we all sat there and knew and agreed that couples will argue, and that distance is hard, but we agreed to set periods to cool off. And her counselor even had the nerve to say, she loves you and wants to be with you.
This is not a woman in a “normal” state of mind and that is why most of her behavior is perplexing. I have been patient for a long time now and it seems that I still want to make it work and patiently wait. Unfortunately, either because she is so demanding and/or dominant or I am not so assertive in making my wishes known, the ball is apparently always in her court and I do nothing but wait.
I am not sure that she analyzes everything as critically as I do and just does things impulsively.”
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