Jessica writes, “Since I first started dating a pastor, obviously, we did not have sex before we were married. On the honeymoon night, he suggested that he wanted to wait until we were in our new home the next day. That was somewhat weird but considering that I was exhausted from the wedding, I did not give it much thought since I never suspected anything. But nothing happened at home either. Granted that he has back problems, and various others medical conditions, but we have been married now for 2 years, and we have never had sex. We have actually played around twice or thrice at the most in our marriage; he says that because of his medical conditions, he cannot get aroused. I think he may just be gay and has no interest in me. He doesn’t touch or display any signs of affection towards me at all, but he will often tell me he loves me. He has also been sleeping in the guest room; his reason is that the bed is more comfortable. Please give me you input. I feel so cheated by this whole thing and terribly hurt. Why would of all the people in the world would a minister do this to a loving woman and destroy her life?”
Marriage to a gay partner
Wow, this is the more bizarre email I have ever received. It is really very weird that you have been with this man for two years and your marriage has not even been consummated. I have heard from women who are married to men with health problems but even men who have no action in their sex organ, manage to please their wives by engaging in other sexual activities using their bodies (you know what I mean). Generally speaking, most men are aroused by women even if they are not in the best health (just ask a nurse who can tell you stories of people literally dying in their beds but still hitting on them) and can engage in sexual activity even if they cannot penetrate.
If this man shows no affection to you and now prefers to sleep in a separate room, I tend to agree with you that he maybe gay and as a minister he is struggling with his sexuality because depending on the church, he will not only be out of work (homophobia in Christianity is at its peak), he may face enormous social dishonor.
You have a very strong legal case for divorce, and with the help of an attorney, you can get out of this marriage, without having to disclose his sexuality, which will allow him to keep his job. That way you can move on and have a normal married life with another man that people take for granted.