Challenges of an interracial relationship
Patient, understanding, and commitment are needed

By Tasha Senna  (Continued from previous page:  Having a Japanese lover)

I decided to wait for his response to our date and not write to him first.   Getting myself into such a complicated relationship gave me a feeling of walking on thin ice. One wrong step and I can go under icy water. However, this feeling makes it more exciting and unusual than regular dating.  I have a feeling he might appear only if he is up to physical intimacy, which would suit me just fine, seeing my own unclear status.  But if I would have a chance to have something meaningful with Kiyoshi, I surely would go for it.  

~

Next couple of weeks since our last meeting Kiyoshi did not appear much. We were exchanging short polite emails. It seemed that his job was very stressful.  He was lagging behind in some of his projects. On one hand I did believe him, on another hand, somewhere in a tiny dark attic of my mind I felt insecure thinking that he did not want to see me anymore.  However, in one of his emails he was asking about my schedule but did not offer to meet. At some point I got tired of waiting and decided that nothing more was going to happen.

And there I was again, in the train, dreaming, smiling to myself, thinking about arms and kisses of Kiyoshi But our last meeting was a bit of a disappointment to me. Kiyoshi met me at the station. He was very tense and stressed out. As far as I understood, it was due to his job. He said that he had only a couple of hours for me. I got really irritated about his attitude and told him that if he did not have time, he should have simply mentioned it prior to my arrival and we would have simply changed the date. But Kiyoshi did not say anything on my remarks. We went to his place. There he made us some breakfast and we were sitting at his kitchen table, having coffee, smoking, talking about his past. Suddenly he told how bad his two previous relationships were. Now I understood that the guy is very scared of any commitment, afraid of repeating his bad experiences. I felt as he was trying to close himself from me but it was not so easy. Afterwards we were intimate again. This time we took our time enjoying being together. And again it felt good. But over couple of hours Kiyoshi got very anxious saying that he should be working, that some people were actually waiting for him in his office. I felt truly disappointed. He brought me to the station and I said I would write him in a week or so (after my Easter vacation). We kissed good-bye; he apologized for the limited time and left.

When I got home I didn’t know what to think.  Actually I still don’t know. Remembering that parents of Kiyoshi will be visit him during Easter I sent him a few addresses of places which might be helpful to entertain them.

~   

Thinking that there is a “dead end” with Kiyoshi, I went out with another Japanese guy I was communicating for a while. He is a complete opposite of Kiyoshi, open and sweet and funny, good looking and living in the same city as I am. And, even though I don’t feel that much chemistry with him as I felt with Kiyoshi, I enjoyed our evening out. Tadashi made me feel at ease, taking me to a fancy Japanese restaurant, helping me with chopsticks, and choosing nice food for me. I felt very comfortable and good with Tadashi.  A feeling of a real old good date. However, deep in my soul I did wish that instead of handsome, easy, witty Tadashi it would be Kiyoshi.

~

Kiyoshi appeared in my life for the past period a couple of times. Once he called me in the middle of night saying that would like to come by. We spent a strange night together, mostly talking, drinking coffee, and smoking. He was telling me how tired he was and about the pressures of his job. We had no intimacy, just slow conversation with long pauses. In the morning I felt tired and sort of empty. I realized that any kind of feeling I might start to develop for Kiyoshi was gone. It made me feel almost full of remorse .At the station I kissed Kiyoshi's tired face and, after he took the train, deleted his number from my cell phone. We chatted once or twice online but the attraction definitely died from my part.

I was still meeting my friend Tadashi. He was emailing me every day, and would take me out for dinner almost every week. Every time I met him I was surprised how easy and comfortable I felt around him. This guy made me laugh all the time. However I was very cautious after my experience with Kiyoshi to let another man come closer to me.

Once we were chatting on MSN when Tadashi asked me if I was satisfied with our encounters. I said that I was always glad to see him and to spend time together. Then he said that he had something in mind and would like to discuss it. As directly as I could only imagine from a man like Tadashi, he said that he was hoping to start a romantic relationship with me and asked if I would consider becoming his long-term girlfriend. I was speechless. I honestly answered that I felt a bit awkward and well, scared, sort of. "Just give me a chance," answered Tadashi. "Let me come a bit closer." I said that I was willing to give it a try. 

I was very nervous about our next meeting, however Tadashi did act, as we had no conversation. He was as easy-going, friendly, and chatty as usual. We went for dinner and then for a couple of drinks. It was late; there were almost no people in the café. Tadashi was telling about me about his life in Tokyo, asked a lot about my family and life in Eastern Europe. Suddenly I felt his hand covering mine. It felt warm and strong. I did not move away letting him gently massage my fingers.

Tadashi brought me home almost in the morning. He did not try to kiss me. I did not invite him either. I did allow him to kiss my hand. Such a well-mannered, almost a bit old-fashioned approach made me feel really good.

We saw each other during next couple of days. We went to the park for a picnic, visited other cities, and went shopping. Tadashi was holding my hand and hugging my shoulders, and I felt safe and protected with him.

It took Tadashi a couple of weeks before he kissed me. It took place in his car after bringing me home after one of our dates. He casually leaned over, whispered, "Have some sweet dreams, dear!" and gently pressed his lips against mine. As he confessed later he did not want to scare me or to come across as too pushy. 

When we finally became intimate it felt very special. Even better than I had imagined. It just proved my point that Japanese men are exceptionally good lovers.

Now we see each other almost every day. Tadashi picks me up after job and we just go somewhere for dinner, spending great time together. He is very affectionate even on the street, holding my hand, kissing me. He also speaks his mind very openly, saying how much he is in love right now. This honesty makes me melt inside. Seeing Tadashi so free and happy gives me great joy and energy. Every day he tries to live a happy life, enjoying simple but exquisite things. 

Right now we are not thinking about any future. We are happy as the situation is at this moment, trying to have a good time and enjoying being together.

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