The art of faking in Japan
You never know what is real and what is fake

If you are in Japan or interacting with a Japanese, do not say or show what you really feel.  You could come across as arrogant or impolite or even shameless.  Japanese society operates on one simple principle - minimizing embarrassment to others.  While someone's actions or words might drive you nuts, you are still expected to maintain calm and harmony in the group or society at large.  The Japanese word for this is 'wa', which has a rather serious meaning attached to it.  (Related article:  Honne and tatemae)

The following are some interesting instances of how faking works in Japan:

• It is possible to subscribe to a phone service than enables you to produce background sounds of your choice while you call someone.  For instance, when you are on the beach but want your boss to know that you are actually fixing the equipment that you were asked to, you can use the background noise of a factory.  If you have just finished making out with your girlfriend in a love hotel, you can call your office with the background noise of a traffic jam to let him know that it will be several hours before you will be back in office.

• Japanese women who work in the so-called 'soap-land' type jobs can safely tell their friends and family about their exciting job as an office executive.  There are companies in Japan that would answer the phone for you, take messages, receive faxes and mail, and provide you with business cards with an impressive title.  When someone wants to do a background check, they will certify your credentials as a professional woman.

• Japanese men who lose their jobs simply can not stay at home because of public embarrassment to the family.  They dress up as always, take the train, and then spend their whole day in the library or cafeterias reading newspapers.  No one seems to care what these men do spending so much time in the library or cafeteria since everyone understands.

• It is possible to check into a love hotel to be intimate with your partner (particularly if you committing adultery) where either it is fully automatic to check in or the staff at the front desk cannot see the guests.  Complete privacy is thus possible.

• Japanese couples typically do not track daily activities of each other.  Wives will not ask why their husbands are late from work and husbands rarely try to find out what the wife did during the day.  Thus, adultery is very easy to manage.  (Related article:  Consequences of adultery)

Such social behavior that is expected of almost everyone, and even non-Japanese who live in Japan, can be frustrating.  While most Japanese people grow up with the idea, it is not always easy for them and they go through very painful experiences.  At the same time, it appears that the society seems to recognize the extent of the problem and that is why one can do things that would be impossible in other societies.

John writes to MYNIPPON, "Although, being polite and respectful to other people may seem the right thing to do. Hiding, especially emotions makes things complicated. I notice that this occurs more frequently in Japanese woman, since most of my Japanese friends are this way.  It is hypocrisy and I definitely believe that not everything about a culture is right and have to be followed. Plus what may work in the society of the past, might no longer apply to the world today.  As long as you don't go out and hurt someone. It is reasonable to voice your thoughts and emotions.  I don't encourage the submissive stereotype in Japanese woman.  It's just not very healthy. Plus "faking" is just being dishonest not only to others but to yourself.  So it is contradictory to the moral code of being polite respectful, when lying is definitely wrong."

Terry who lives in Canada and has a Japanese girlfriend tells MYNIPPON, "I am at this moment conversing long distance with a Japanese woman and have become very confused on the value which this kind, caring, and considerate Japanese woman places on our relationship. We are planning to reunite later this year and I would really like to see this happen as she has come to mean so much to me. It has become clear to me after reading this article what the problem is. It's me expecting this girl to express her emotion when she has been socialized in country which frowns on emotional expression. I am from a western country "Canada" and it is typical to tell a girl you love her if in fact this is how you feel; moreover, when in a relationship with someone you love, emotional reciprocity is expected. I have asked my friends and relatives what they would think if their significant others did not express their love for them. Most responded that they would  question whether this person really loved them. These differences in socialization are a major obstacle in our relationship.  Being so far apart it has become increasingly important to hear from her how much she loves me. When I express these same feelings to her she says she really likes hearing me express these emotions. This was not a problem while we lived together. I guess because she expressed her love through action, that is she acted loving toward me. I better send off another email and let her know that I understand now and that it's okay. My way (western thinking) is no more the right way that partners should express their love for each other, than her way; as Japanese express their love for each other. I don't want to sound or behave in an arrogant or impolite manner as this would be the furthest from truth. Being humble is one of my strengths. Thanks to the writer for opening my eyes to this very stark contrast between these two cultures. Realizing these cultural differences has returned my sense of security in this relationship."

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