| Vinay in Faridabad,
India, writes, "I had a 6 year relationship which has
ended. I just don't know why. I am a
die-hard romantic man, who never believes in
sleeping around. I met her in court, as we both are
lawyers. She was
stuck in her past bad relationship, which she had
broken recently, and I made her come out of the same. I
did everything possible to take care of her. Our
respective
families were against this marriage but we still got
married after courtship of 4 years. By the way the
reason for the opposition was that she is 6 years
older than
me. In
India, we typically live with our parents, but for
the
sake of our marriage I also left my parent's house,
and all the properties etc. that I was entitled to. I
did everything possible to make her feel good. My wife
is an extremely
career oriented woman, and when we came to know that
she was
pregnant, she was extremely scared worrying about
the impact on her
career. One fine day, over a
small fight, she said that
she was divorcing me and terminated the
pregnancy
without my consent and knowledge. I felt hurt and
betrayed. Then after some days she came to me and
started saying sorry. I thought that she was actually
feeling sorry. After 10 days, she again said that we
cannot
live together and she was separating. Is it so easy
for anyone to come and just say that we are separating?
After we
divorced, she says in text messages that she loves
me but we cannot stay together as
husband and wife. I just don't know what to do. She
never calls me or messages me but does respond to my
messages. I am
heartbroken. I don't feel like
trusting anyone. The amount of
emotions I have given to this relationship I have
not given in any
relationship ever in my life. What should I do?"
I am so sorry to hear that
after doing so much and
investing so many years of your youth, you are left
with nothing. Obviously, I would have liked to hear her
side of the story, but from her actions it seems that
she is a little impulsive,
selfish,
confused, and
unstable.
Marriage is like a second job and we have to work on
it every day but it is apparent that she has no such
intentions. I am particularly concerned that she chose
to terminate the pregnancy without consulting her
husband and then
choosing divorce over working through your issues
over time.
Vinay, the
divorce is
finalized and she has clearly
moved on. The fact that she never contacts you but
seems sweet when she responds to you, simply means that
she takes pity on you when you write to her. She is
essentially hinting that you should
move on too.
You look like a nice,
loving man, and as painful as it sounds, you need to
gather yourself and
make a new
beginning. Being heartbroken or
losing faith in people is not going to help you.
Focus on your career and
reconnect with friends and family. As you transition
gradually into this new life, I am confident that
another woman might see all the good things in you and
it will lead to a more
stable and rewarding relationship. I know that the
world is full of wonderful men and women and one
person's example cannot be used to draw conclusion that
all women are bad or cannot be trusted. I suggest that
you stop
contacting your ex-wife because that will simply
hold you from moving on and
pursuing a new life.
It is not going to be easy
because it has lasted so long but I know men and women
who have
made new beginnings, even
remarried, after being married for 10-20 years and
that is why I am confident that eventually your
heart will heal. |
