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| Korean kids adopted by White parents
How to deal with race issues as an adult?
| Summary: Below is the
case of an adopted woman who has no knowledge of her
birth race but people in her adopted family's race still
consider her what she is clearly not. How can she
deal with the |
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Debra
writes, "I am a 23 year old woman of
Korean
ethnicity. Growing up adopted by a white family
in a predominantly white community, I always
felt ugly, a thought that was backed up by the
occasional
racist remark. Now 23, I see an
onslaught of the concept of Asian
fetishes,
advice on
how to get Asian women, etc. It
astonishes me how so many men consider
Asian
women beautiful. Don't get me wrong; I know not
everyone thinks so. I am writing this because
now I have a problem. Any guy that I meet is
only interested in sex. I am a kind, caring,
funny and intelligent person. I do not dress
like a skank or give out that vibe. It is very
frustrating. I only seem to run into guys that
have no interest in me as a person beyond my
body. It is truly hurtful, insulting and
puzzling. I no longer think of myself as
ugly
and recognize that some actually think I'm sort
of pretty. But the minute I imply that I am
not
interested in sex, or actually get to know a guy
and fool around a little, they walk away or tell
me they are not
interested in a relationship. Or
in one memorable instance, tell me that they are
back with their (Caucasian)
ex-girlfriend and
(another guy deciphered this for me) that I am
only good enough as a backup, even though we had
been hanging out for months and
having
sleepovers, eating
pizza and enjoying time
together. It frustrates me that I can be the
best I can be, myself, and still not be
good
enough for anything but sex. Could you please
tell me why?" |
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Your
case is an interesting one (New York Times actually even
did an
article on the challenges of
Korean babies
adopted by other
races and only as adults
recognizing that they are different), because
when women complain that
men only want sex from them, it
is because that is the image that they are projecting,
either through their
clothes or demeanor or language.
Clearly that is not the case for you.
If you live in an area with little or no diversity, you
will clearly run into low-class males that have a very
uninformed, narrow view of the world that all
Asian
girls are dying to get White guys or that they are
submissive or that they will never marry a white guy
because they will
go back to their native country to
find a husband. And as you will appreciate, some of it
is true for many
Asian cultures.
Secondly, I think that like any other girl, you are
discovering that
dating is not easy and it takes a while
to find the man you want. Trust me, I hear
daily from
beautiful white women struggling to date good
White guys, or for that matter, this is true for any
race. It is just so difficult to click; so I would
suggest that you not give up or get frustrated or think
that all white men are like that. |
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I don't know if you have ever gone to
California and there are so many
interracial couples there
that even my wife and I are considering relocating there
(here in
New England we are a rare species too). In other
words, people in more diverse states look at other
races
like just other humans and date and marry them because of
that and not due to some fetish for checking them out.
In the meantime, just
be proud of who you are and don't try
to be who you are not. If possible, try to meet more
educated and open-minded men, and if possible, consider
relocation to CA. |
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| Related:
Dating
an Asian man |
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